"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[MrBond]

"In the time since I wrote that, I can safely say the Anger Stage is over.
Between writing that extensive account and recent things happening, all the negatives of the past are out of my system."

Hate to break it to you, but it will take more than a week for it to go away. It stays with you for years. Often in the form of resentment and righteousness.

"Keeping all this between us" as she insisted has done me no good. It's totally consumed me and caused a lot of unpredictable behabiour from me. I'm hurting more than I've ever known, and she has expected me to protect her image and allow her to continue this relationship. That's difficult to carry alone."

BUT you don't have to tell everyone who will listen.

"I made mistakes in the months leading to separation and many during too.
The ones I made before we separated, I have dealt with. I'm confident of that."

Again, it's pretty arrogant of you to think that. People don't change that quickly.

"The one's during have been mostly due to pursuing. I have appeared desperate to reconcile. Not attractive obviously."

All you're doing is concentrating on "attractiveness". That's not what got you to where you are.

"Regarding my wife, I actually do understand her feelings completely. I know her too well."

I would also say this is incorrect. To be honest, if you understood her feelings, you wouldn't have gotten to this place in the first place. Just saying.

"However, would you agree with me on this?
A wound cannot heal while a foreign body is in there.
A marriage can't be healed with an OM there either."

While that is true, the wound cannot heal if what happened to cause it in the first place is still there. If it's not this OM it will be another unless she wants to stay with you.

"No matter what I do for myself or our marriage, while a third party is there fulfilling her needs, and she refuses to admit or show remorse for it, there is little hope for reconciliation."

See it's that "refuses to admit or show remorse for it" attitude that makes you sound self-righteous. It's not a mistake from her perspective. You can't keep trying to control her and make her feel something. That all stems from your anger.

"That's why I place a lot of weight on the OM issue.
I hope I'm wrong."

Yes you are.

"I understand also, that a marriage with some issues stands little chance against a shiny new OM telling her everything she wants to hear."

From what you described, it didn't sound like you had just "some" issues. See, that's the way YOU perceive your M problems. Your W probably feels otherwise. And it's what she thinks that counts because she was the one that left.

"One of the main reasons for the drop in anger in me, is that the dam burst on her secret with me sometime last week."

I thought you said you sent out the message "accidentally".

"I heard that she was introducing the OM to her family as someone who was a supportive friend during separation, who became more.
Not the man she left me for.

I was furious and exposed on FB immediately. They all know now."

YOu kept saying that was "accidental". I guess it wasn't. That was you wanting revenge on her. And don't say it wasn't. It's so obvious it was.

"After the dam burst, I recieved a flood of messages. Expecting nothing but hatred from her friends and family, the messages were mostly of support and admiration.
Very few of them ever believed her version of the story, and many were not pleased at her attitude and treatment of me."

There is a saying around here that goes ... "do you want to be right or do you want to be married?"

Just because you feel justified and "right" doesn't mean that your W will want to go back to you. Imagine if someone exposed a secret you had. Would you still be friends with that person? Exposing to close family may be okay. But since you sent it out to all of social media, well that's something else. I mean, how do you think your W will feel knowing that her/your friends know she fooled around? That's all control on your part.

"If my wife wants to talk, I'm more than willing to. But I will not do so while that individual is a part of her life."

I don't see any reason why your W would want to come back. I mean you exposed a strong vulnerability about her to all of your friends, and you filed for D. What possible reason does she have to want to come back?