It's hard because she went from wanting to get married 3 days before bomb to leaving.
I question her motives. I guess I feel like she was maybe using me because I was good dad to her daughter so she kept me around but didn't really feel anything for me.
Now I'm starting to wonder if she is trying to "friend zone" me and feeding me text message "breadcrumbs" to keep me on the hook. Like she just wants me as a friend now and doesn't see me as a potential mate. I definitely do not want that and won't be her friend if we never end up reconciling.
While there is no OM, I also wonder if I can ever trust her again to not bail when things get tough. A lot of my friends would never wait around for an ex like I have, it makes me feel weak.
This whole thing has really taken a toll on my self esteem. I sometimes wonder if I'm even worthy of being loved by someone. I know that's faulty thinking and not true but I do feel that way sometimes.
I thought she was the one. The one I was going to grow old with. The one I NEVER thought would bail. In fact, during our relationship, she was often the one that thought I was going to leave when we went through hard times. I never gave up though, I kept at it thru thick and thin.
I know there are LOTS of things I did wrong in our relationship and I am so far from perfect its not even funny. But I never gave up even when she was far from perfect.
I guess I'm just feeling deceived and taken for a fool for believing in us.
