"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[RedHawk98]

Thanks for taking the time to read all that.
Truth be told, it was a little uncomfortable for me to read that too at times.
In the time since I wrote that, I can safely say the Anger Stage is over.
Between writing that extensive account and recent things happening, all the negatives of the past are out of my system.

"Keeping all this between us" as she insisted has done me no good. It's totally consumed me and caused a lot of unpredictable behabiour from me. I'm hurting more than I've ever known, and she has expected me to protect her image and allow her to continue this relationship. That's difficult to carry alone.

I made mistakes in the months leading to separation and many during too.
The ones I made before we separated, I have dealt with. I'm confident of that.

The one's during have been mostly due to pursuing. I have appeared desperate to reconcile. Not attractive obviously.
Pursuing for me has been pretty humiliating. The decline in self esteem that gives you makes you do it even more.
That has also stopped.

Third party involvement has been a problem on both sides. I have not always asked for it.
My side seem to hammer her with guilt.
Her side encourages the "Follow your heart" school. (Most are divorced at least once or twice or have never married)

Regarding my wife, I actually do understand her feelings completely. I know her too well.

However, would you agree with me on this?
A wound cannot heal while a foreign body is in there.
A marriage can't be healed with an OM there either.

No matter what I do for myself or our marriage, while a third party is there fulfilling her needs, and she refuses to admit or show remorse for it, there is little hope for reconciliation.

That's why I place a lot of weight on the OM issue.
I hope I'm wrong.
I understand also, that a marriage with some issues stands little chance against a shiny new OM telling her everything she wants to hear.

One of the main reasons for the drop in anger in me, is that the dam burst on her secret with me sometime last week.
I heard that she was introducing the OM to her family as someone who was a supportive friend during separation, who became more.
Not the man she left me for.

I was furious and exposed on FB immediately. They all know now.
After the dam burst, I recieved a flood of messages. Expecting nothing but hatred from her friends and family, the messages were mostly of support and admiration.
Very few of them ever believed her version of the story, and many were not pleased at her attitude and treatment of me.

It was certainly wasn't premeditated. I'm still questioning whether I did the right thing.

Either way, I am moving on with life and moving far away now for a fresh start. I have stopped pursuing completely. I have even filed for part two of a divorce that I never wanted.

If my wife wants to talk, I'm more than willing to. But I will not do so while that individual is a part of her life.