One of the things about the situation that brought us here is that it's personal and the timelines are what they are. It's ok, Tad to vent. It's ok to have these feelings longer than others. It's ok. But the way out of it, the way Mr B mentions, is to focus on the positives vs. the negatives. It's true for everyone and is a time tested method of embracing the life you're living. To do otherwise, is to lay down and die.
You've been sucker punched by a lot in life in short order. While it's hard to overcome all of it at once, it does take time. How much? Well, that's personal to you.
I want to take a minute and acknowledge that I've seen a shift in you over the years. Slower sometimes and faster others. Recently you seem to be accelerating those changes, albeit kicking and screaming the whole way
But I do see some momentum away from the negative focus more and more.
Posting your feelings for others? That's not only helpful to many but helpful to yourself, Tad. Keep doing it, but don't get sucked in. That's easy to do.
Here's a challenge for you. As you write those feelings, try and find something positive in them. For example, while your ex is STILL spewing crazy junk at you and the boys, she's less at you than before. You're handling it better than before. You're making progress, and that's important. Notice how you don't feel as dejected and depressed as before? Notice how you are feeling more about your kids pain than your own? That's something you haven't fully embraced before, at least not on these boards. It was kind of 50/50 for a long time. Like you knew it academically, but didn't quite embrace that.
Lyrics from Mexicoma (just cause it sounds funny) Sure was good to know you I still wanna hold ya, But I know it's over. You ain't coming back.
Notice that it's positive in the sense that, yeah I have feelings, but I know it's over? That's a start. You're already there at that point. Before too much longer you'll get a stronger feeling of not wanting anything to do with her. You'll realize the kind of person she is now, is not the kind of person you want anything to do with. But you'll also realize that your kids need to figure out their relationship and you'll be happy for them when they do.
Keep making that progress, Tad. It's a longer road for some, but you're on it, may as well enjoy the ride
Good luck on the job front! I like your approach of wanting the one but not stopping the looking and putting all the eggs in one basket.
AJ
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK Put the glass down... "Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
