A a kid I lived outside NYC and when we went into the city, I would worry that I could never be a successful adult bc I would never be able to understand how to build bridges and tunnels. Funny story I know, as I still don't understand but am still able function okay as an adult smile
LOL, I couldn't figure out how the milk man delivered our milk either, so what does that make us? Not farmers or engineers, for sure! I also don't know how to treat cancer or dig ditches. Yet here we are, navel gazing and looking at stuff.
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I was curious how long it has taken for others here.
My D was finalized 9 years ago and we've lived apart for a little more than 11. For the most part, I'm over the experience. Yet it's the little things. Little things that actually have very little to do with my XH specifically, but about what being married meant to me. I'm now 52 and lots of my friends are empty nesters and doing really well with their transitions. They're targeting retirement dates and solidifying their life plans. They have generally happy marriages and are now doing things together that they couldn't with kids at home. While I'm not sour grapes or sad, per se, I *do* feel at times that I got cheated out of a happy retirement, where we could both focus on each other now that we're in these middle years. I don't let it get me down or lose sleep over it, but I won't lie and say it won't be coming up in my IC appointments in the near future.
So if that really means I'm not over it, I'm not over it. There are bits and pieces that I discover with each passing year that aren't truly healed. And in my navel gazing, I'm considering that they may be childhood wounds that have never healed and not R wounds at all? I don't mean to say that someone else is to blame... these could very well be belief systems I've carried along through my life that aren't true anymore or were never true to begin with. OY.
Take care of yourself. You're a good egg and it will all work itself out as long as you continue to practice self care and self awareness.
Hugs- Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
