Just a thought. I have seen a few posts that say when your wife comes crawling back to you. I think that is my problem with the no contact and tactics. I don't want my W to come crawling back. I want her to come back on her own 2 feet, looking me in the eye, we both say we are so sorry for the pain inflicted, and try to pick up the pieces.
Now just an observation, but I have noticed, myself included, that think it's terrible what the W did to us. In some cases this is true, but not many. We have all had a hand in the bad stuff. When they went running to another, we pushed them to it, were not giving them the best we could. I hate the fact that OM, could possibly be with her, but I hate even more that I caused it too.
The old saying, Walk a Mile in My Shoes, fits most of us to a tee. Until we can figure out why and how we did what we did, it will never get better. I am not saying I am done fixing me, just tired of trying to blame her. It's not only her, but me, and at this point more me. Everybody is different and reacts to the same thing differently. My W, was kind and caring, and now is hurt and angry. I know I can't do a thing to help her, but once you realize all the wrongs and begin the empathy trail, it might hurt a bit more than you think.
Every little thing I do that used to hurt her, from anger to lies to leaving socks around the house, puts a little pain in my heart. Knowing that all I had to do was look at myself in the mirror and ask why are doing this. I won't be perfect, don't think that's possible, but I will move forward with a goal of never hurting anyone like that again, at least within my own power. I will mess up, and I will apologize and not make excuses. Is it going to be enough to save my marriage, no probably not. However, if I am lucky enough to get another chance at love, I know it will be better.
Now back to not trying to think about the W, and keeping my fingers away from the text, and little call buttons on the phone. Cell phones are terrible by the way, how much easier would it be to do this 30 years ago. Go dark, oh wait, it's too much work to turn the rotary phone!! Lol!!!
