Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

I've been thinking about what I wrote a couple of hours ago and you know, I don't think I am lazy. Well not more so than the next man/woman. I am always willing to do what W asks, without grumbling. I do a great deal round the house. I even cycle 11 miles a day to work and back when I could get the train which would be quicker and more comfortable.

A pleaser perhaps, and it may even have been an unconcious strategy to keep W. But no, I'm going to withdraw the lazy bit.

Claire: thanks for chiming in. I'm not normally depressed, I'm usually quite affable and always up for a laugh. Having said that I have been rather depressed over the past 6 months as I waited until W was ready to engage with me again. Of course it went the other way and now I'm yoyoing between despair and trying to get my positive mental atttude in gear.

It didn't work today. I was all I could do to stop bursting into tears in the staff canteen. I feel a little cheerier now as I listened to a mindfullness podcast on the cycle back to the flat.

So what's the answer? I don't really know. I would veer towards not, but anyone can be hit by it at times.

I chose my current therapist/counsellor (only 2 sessions so far) because they practice solution focused brief therapy. I know I have to work on myself: anything thereafter is a bonus. I'm not counting on it. And that feeling is depressing. And all the what if I, why didn't I etc.