Can you give more details about other conditions in your M?
Who does most of the housework, employment, who is the higher wage earner, what were you doing when you met, when you married... etc.
I think we both do “fair” housework. I do more housework, but that’s because I like the house cleaner. She’s just naturally more messy. We earn about the same financially and we were doing pretty much what we’re doing now when we met (same jobs).
Quote:
She has some health issues; does that mean you pick up a lot of the slack as you said above (with the dogs). Does she work full time?
Yes, and I understand she needs more rest. One of the first things in one of Michele’s books talks about making sure your partner with the lower libido gets plenty of rest because being tired (regardless of the reason) doesn’t help anybody want to do anything. I don’t take it personally when she falls asleep early or wants to sleep past noon on weekends. She does work full time, 40 hours a week.
Quote:
Does she have an EX, kids?
Yes, but he was mostly invisible (rather than outright abusive), they don’t talk at all, and they divorced 17 years ago. One kid, 23, male, he’s great, works a lot, we barely see him but they’re about as close as can be and he was the first person I went to when I was thinking about proposing. He's definitely a mamma's boy, doesn't see his dad but maybe twice a year. The ex is not part of any drama at all in our marriage whatsoever, barely exists to any of us, really.
Quote:
What are things like with your families?
She only has her brother and sister left----her brother lives very far away and they love each other but aren’t super close. Her sister lives here in town, love her, we don’t see her too often but we’re all close. My family lives here, she loves them all and they love her, we do dinner at my parents’ house about twice a month, sometimes more.
Quote:
Everyone happy about your marriage, considering the--prejudice-- about younger men and older women? (Unfair, but real.)
The age part is truthfully better than a non-issue----it’s actually a good thing. We both like it, in fact. I always knew I did, but it’s actually pretty amazing how that part worked out.
Quote:
Any other stressors?
Think about what ELSE might have changed, you know?
This is the trickiest part. I've tried to think and I can't come up with anything and that's what really bugs me. I've asked and that didn't really bring up anything. If I had done something really bad or wasn't meeting one of her needs as best as I can tell, I'd at least have something I could clearly change. I moved my art studio home several months ago, but I wasn't spending as much time in the studio at the time anyway; it's just about the only thing I can think of. Money isn't flowing in like a river, but it also isn't that much different than before (we owe more after the wedding but finances are rarely an issue).
She turned 50 in April but barely noticed, and if anything she seemed to enjoy it with lots of events and stuff.
