URGENT advice needed - 3yrs separated, sky falling

[labug]

You've clearly got a lot going on but at the top of that list is your 2 year old D with your H. That changes things, it has to.

(I didn't mean to imply that birth control was only your responsibility. There are non-latex condoms)

You put up with crap from your H for a long time. Why? That's a big question. You've said a few times you have a lot of stuff in your background. Have you moved beyond that, worked through it?

You did a lot of explaining about what you've done but you didn't say much about what you've learned. I didn't ask that to be an a-hole. Lot's of people read books, go to therapy, retreats, etc but never slow down to apply the lessons to their lives. I did that for years. Much of what you describe doing for him sounds more like fixing. There's lot in your post about H's problems and his unhappiness. You can't fix that, it's up to him but he's still the father of your 2 yr old and has been father to your older child for 8 years.

So you do need to figure out what your next step is and realize that all choices have consequences. Really think about what consequences you are willing to accept.

Maybe some plans need to be put off for now and others put in place.

I just read your post about dying your hair-you needed him to tell you what color your hair should be? There's a group called Codependents No More, might be helpful for you.

I wish you, and your kids, the best.