Sex was great, part 2

[GoatGal]

I haven't even read all of your response.

I got stuck on "I'm not trying to "fix" it."


Maybe you did only brought it up with her once.

But you have been going over and over it here, trying to find a way to "fix" it.

IT'S THE SAME THING.


You're fixated on this in a way that doesn't seem good for you, for her, or for your marriage.

I'm not saying you don't love her, not at all.

What I am trying to do is to get you to think about what that love REALLY MEANS and how it can be EXPRESSED if you have to put your sex life on hold.

(NOTE: I did NOT say, "Like like a Monk." Though from what I've read, some of those Monks found a workaround too.)

But I feel like I'm swimming upstream.

Every time advice or suggestions are offered, you find a way to explain them away or justify/defend how you're going about it.

Think about this ^^^ and look within.


Maybe this is not all about "fixing" her and your sex life, know what I mean?
I keep hearing about you and how neglected you feel and how hard it is for you.
I am going to read back and see how many references I can find that talk about how hard this might be FOR HER.

(Meanwhile, just because you "go through" menopause, doesn't mean that the symptoms and changes are not ongoing.)
Do yourself a favor and read about it more.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but you're just not hearing us.

I agree that not being able to share a great love life with your W is painful, and you do NOT have to accept a sexless marriage.

But right now the best thing you can do is do some serious soul-searching on your part.

What is a "Marriage" really?

-------------------------------

Stop focusing so much on her, what you want her to do, and how you can get her to do it.
It's all DBing anyway.
WE HAVE NO CONTROL OVER WHAT OUR SPOUSES DO!

The less we stop trying to manipulate them and the situation, the sooner things will make themselves clear.




---GG

PS: BTW, six/eight/twelve weeks does NOT a "sexless marriage" make.
(And as I recall, you had an encounter with her recently. I guess that didn't count?)

And since you haven't actually GONE six months without sexual contact, I wouldn't get too worked up about it. Even if you do, that's still not the end of the road.

Sh*t happens. Sometimes in a marriage, sex gets put on hold for a whole bunch of reasons.
No one ever died from it yet, especially if they have the love and affection and commitment from their spouse, which is something MOST of us here DO NOT.
In addition to no sex. FOR YEARS. Yup.

Sheesh.