I think the best thing you could do, Grey, is step back from this site, put down all the books, stop thinking about trying to get her to change, and just roll with what is happening. For a good long while, like 6 months. See where it goes, let her set the pace or lack thereof, and plan on probably having no sex for 6 months.
Your anxiety seems to be driven by looking ahead to predict the future. If you can just let it go for 6 months, maybe that will give her the space and comfort to relax and figure things out.
But get busy during the 6 months, being an independent interesting person who is not consumed by thoughts of how to be uberhusband and how to get her to change her libido. RELAX.
The grip you have on this issue is probably going to hurt you in the long run.
In 6 months, if you haven't brought it up one single time, and if you've been interesting and independent and fulfilled, then I think you could ask if you could listen to each other about the topic of sex and see how each other feels about it.
6 months?
I don't think not WANTING to wait 6 months to have sex again means I don't love my wife.
Maybe you're right. Maybe what we had before we were married with all the sex was an illusion and I can't handle it and we weren't meant to be together-------no matter how happy she is, and she truly is, I still want to have sex with my wife and she doesn't want sex now that she's married. Kinda makes me wish we just kept dating forever instead of marrying now when you put it like that.
