Glad you asked. I thought things were getting better, I think I'm at a stand still.
1 I don't think my sitch was a true WAS/LRT but some rules were very helpful. My wife is ILYBNILWY. 2 there is no OM 3 W does realize she needs medication again 4 my 180 was somewhat successful, I got an IC who was very helpful
The reason why things are better but not: 1 W goes for undergrad in NC August-May 2 W goes for masters program after that (???) 3 she thinks were just dragging it out, but we still love each other
I'm still in Cali on military orders and I'm here for awhile. Her masters schools are all southeast US and well... not many marine corps bases there.
So, just not sure if our life plans are going to cross, or even happen for that matter. I'm a WHOLE LOT better by following DR and LRT, but I still regret parts of it. I do regret not starting sooner. A lot of my worries have been solved.... I do feel my W is my soulmate but I guess every married person should right?
Maybe its a waiting game now, who knows. I love you guys BTW!
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
W asked for a psychiatrist number she can call and I gave it to her. Hopefully she is making positive steps for herself.
Im keeping the PMA and I have kept things together. Going off DR, I don't think I've made any huge mistakes, ones and twos here and there I suppose.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
As of recently I have been staying at the apartment, things were good up until today. I do have a IC now and I go back July 1st (Tuesday) for my follow-up.
Friday she went to the hospital for pain, found out it was kidney stones. She came back at 2am Saturday morning and I had to go get meds from CVS. I did my usual cleaning Saturday (trash, dishes, walk the dog) and took care of some work stuff while she slept. Sunday I did the same early in the morning and she had her friend come over to hang out with.
At this point she asked me via text why I was acting weird. I said I was irritated how she acted towards me and then I realized just how sick she was and felt bad. I also said it hurts me when she doesn't apologize so I'm trying to not expect it.
Her response was I never asked her if she was ok until real late, and I gave her attitude for being in bed and said I it doesn't make sense why I'm butt hurt now.
I said I didn't think about it that way, I didn't know it would bother so much and i felt frustrated last night and thats why I was quiet.
Now, she wants space and me staying there wasn't working and she wants to file a response this week and she cant trust my mood swings to not screw her in the D.
This is the first time in 2 weeks she has talked about D, I kinda wanted to not come back here again. So, I think I would like to work on the M, and I think LRT is what I need to get to it. I would appreciate any opinions. Thanks guys!
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
I read about your wife's pursuits for school but what are your plans? I ask this because my dad had to retire early from his military career in order to let my mom finish school (he had to watch over us kids). If you can't transfer to her school are you staying in CA? I will say this if your wife has any sort of mental instability school and relationships are near impossible to maintain. I know this because of my illness. I had to redo my undergrad after I was stabilized and i wasted a lot of money going in unstable. I think a huge thing you'll learn in these forums is that to be in a healthy relationship it starts with finding your own happiness and not relying on the other person. I learned that the hard way.
On that note if you want to save your marriage (that's why most of us come here) you have to come up with a plan of action on how you're going to GAL and improve on your goals. Gaming was actually a problem with me that my XH was bothered by. I actually stopped playing as aggressively when I forced myself to go out and explore the city. CA has a lot of awesome places to see. I bet you're at the base next to San Diego! Lego land!
I would like to finish my career and get retirement. W and I had some talks about future plans but she doesn't want to pursue this. I'd get out and go to school with/near her if that would make our M work but even that doesn't seem to change anything. We both love each other but I got the ILYB speech.
For over 2 weeks I thought we were piercing, I don't know if today was just a upset but Im giving her space to reconsider her stance.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
Oh I forgot...its been a month since you filed. If I were you just to protect yourself you may want to enter in a default judgement before she can file a response. At this point she can still ask for alimony if she doesn't have a sustainable income. In California that means you could end up paying her a huge sum of money for half the time you're married. She may love you but keep in mind both of you are going through all sorts of emotions that may constantly change. Don't pay 6 months from now because of how you feel today.
Its good you acknowledged her feelings. Space is a good stance right now. Piecing takes a long time....patience is a huge help. I think some veterans on here can give good advice on this as well.
She said she would file this week but she is already over the 30 day limit. I don't think she could get that much from me as the jeep I own she is driving has a 20k loan on it. She can't afford it so I'll take it and her half the debt. We also had a tax return of 6k which she kept and I'm requesting half. She won't be in the state for the court date and wants an extension so hopefully the judge sees her as not worth extending for.
I've tried validating and I see my counselor tomorrow which is good. My W is definitely bipolar, I wouldn't have expected this after 2 good weeks. Kidney stones must be a hard thing to handle but this is bull.
Thanks for the reply.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
She may love you but keep in mind both of you are going through all sorts of emotions that may constantly change. ... Its good you acknowledged her feelings. Space is a good stance right now. Piecing takes a long time....patience is a huge help. I think some veterans on here can give good advice on this as well.
Lostinpain has some very sound advice here Brandon. In the long run, this patience you are developing will serve you well not just in your M but in every aspect of your life.
"Don't chase people. Be yourself, do your own thing, and work hard. The right people - the ones who really belong in your life - will come to you. And stay." ~ Will Smith
