Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

OK, here's what I think about what you say.

1. Yes, you're right I haven't taken responsibility for so many things for so many years. And it's not just M. However I don't think I try to find fault with W, I know it's me. And I don't really blame it on my father either.

I do know that when I was 13, we moved to a place I loathed and completely withrew into my shell. Never made friends, didn't go out. Didn't do any homework. Basically just waited for someone to notice how unhappy I was - and no-one did. That 'surviavl technique' has not served me well. It didn't work then, and it doesn't work now.

I'm not looking for excuses, I just don't seem to be able to take responsibilty. Call it fear of failure, don't rock the boat, don't try to fix it if it's working (for now).

2. I don't usually mind read. Maybe I'm too self-centred. As above, I know it's my fault. I honestly didn't expect W to change her attitude I just hoped that as long as we were chugging along, we'd be all right.

3. Arg that's hard ro read, but yes, you'e right. But she does matter to me. And not because I want her to be 'mother'.

In the past coupe of weeks, I have learnt so much more about myself. I feel as though I have grown up a bit.

As I said previously. It's all my fault for not working on M. My career such as it is, has also suffered. The dependent personality traits I read about - I don't know how this didn't come up in previous therapy - are painful to read, as is your last sentence.

I do really want to be an adult and shake off this inability to act malaise. Maybe it is too late with W, but I can see this happening again if I don't do anything.

I have never been happy in myself because of this and it has made me miserable and fearful for too long. I do want to save my M and change my life. Live my life and hopefully be with W before it's too late.