Limbo is the new normal

[slow_it_down]

After learning of my H's mental health issues I've been doing a lot of reading about his condition. Ironically, the biggest suggestion for loving someone with his disorder is to validate, validate, validate. I guess I got a head start by coming here before the diagnosis since I've been working on my validation for some time.

This weekend I met up with a good friend and talked about my sitch. She seemed sad and concerned. However, for the first time in a long time I find myself enjoying each day and what it has to offer rather than worrying about the future. I feel the best I have in probably 2 years. Instead of holding back love out of fear I'll be hurt and disappointed again, I can move forward knowing that even though the future isn't certain, I love my husband and he loves me back to the best of his ability. Finally understanding him has lifted a huge burden from my mind and has helped me really let go of expectations. No expectations means that I could enjoy an awesome weekend like this one where we went to dinner, hung out, etc and accept that there might be down times in the future too, but that's ok.

I'm sorry my sitch is all over the place and perhaps hard to follow. I just want to say that for the first time I feel like I'm really creating a warm judgement free zone for my H to come home to....Something I always wanted to do but couldn't see past my own needs. To be able to give him a safe place to be honest about his shortcomings feels really good given all that he's done and said. I'm feeling pretty strong.