She says she's conflicted

[Oxford1]

I agree with all your post above.

I am trying so hard to retrain myself. No more control, no more bringing up OM.

Let him attack me. Let him control her.

Worst of all let him text her over and over telling her he's worried for her safety and that I have done something.

If she's five minutes late texting him. He freaks out. Calls all her phones texts her over and over.

See how you immediately talked about OM only a few SECONDS after saying you would not? You are definitely taking your time implementing real change.

If I were you, I'd ONLY focus on myself b/c Oxford, your m was a lousy one. Your sons' admit wishing you'd gotten a divorce or at least expecting you to do so b/c of what THEY SAW with their own eyes.

Too bad they have all the details b/c the more other people are involved, the harder it is to recover from.

You were supposed to keep the road home, paved and smooth. But you kept harping and obsessing and YES CONTROLLING, and blaming and blaming her som more, so you have made it a lot less likely to heal.

BACK OFF and learn to STFU. Don't involve your sons anymore, for everyone's sake.

more later...


How does she put up with this?

How does "SHE PUT UP WITH THIS?"---

no offense, okay? But she put up with much worse from you, for a lot of years...

I guess You trained her well.

Can you name 2-3 Actual specific 180s YOU are doing to become a better man?

Not to get her back, but to show your sons what a man is supposed to be like?

What are you working on in yourself to become a better man and partner, for whomever?

.

I have to learn to shut up. Today we went out as friends for our 28th Wedding anniversary...It was a nice dinner until she hit a trigger, I don't know what it was.

I can tell that I made points she even said I did, but then she said I went to far....

I think I have planted seed of doubt about the OM. I just have to let them stew and really be the better man.