I do think that WAS have a certain amount of insanity in them, and guilt, and confusion. I think it was good you said he was cruel, and left it at that. I think forgiveness is very good too.
I'd focus on yourself, GAL as much as you can over the summer (will H be near you in Essen?), have a good break, go to the ocean (you said you were from the coast, I think?), be true to yourself, take care of that which is hurting and fine and real in you.
