"The Show Must Go On"

[wishing, hoping]

And yet another call this morning. This time he left a message telling me D is still coughing and it's getting worse and she won't take her meds. Sigh. Always drama. So I waited about an hour and called him back.

He told me he wants to set up an email account for the kids that we both have access too so we can get to their information easily. Fine. But he wants me to come over to the house so we can set this up together? WTF? He wants me to help him set up a new account for S's phone with the carrier we both have so we can do more of a "family" plan. Why didn't he do this in the first place? Idiot. He asked me if he could take D dress shopping this weekend (during my time). I told him we would be busy all weekend so it wouldn't work. I asked why he couldn't take them on his weekend and he explained he needed OW to go along for a "girl's opinion" and she had her kids on his weekend so it wouldn't work. Hmmm...not my problem. I told him to take D during the week and he said she was always so tired and cranky. I said if you tell her you are buying her a beautiful dress she should be fine. I almost think he wanted to ask if he could use the dress I bought her. I didn't offer. He can buy her a dress. I am not bailing him out. He did ask me last night if I had dress shoes for her. He's so dam sneaky about stuff. I don't trust him one bit.

I do think he just wants to "feel good" about what he has done so he can say "look, I'm not a bad guy because we are still friends". He just wants to clear his conscience, so to speak. He can just wallow in his guilt because I am not letting him off the hook.

Curious to see where his path takes him and how he will get himself out of the mess he has made. I have no plans to help him. It's kind of like a train wreck...you can't look away.

WH

[job]

My first question is...Can't he do anything by himself as a father? It's very evident that he relied heavily on you to take care of everything. WH, you have to find a way to step back and let him learn how to be a father and to communicate w/his children. If you continue to rescue him, he'll never learn and you'll not be able to move on w/your life because he will be constantly calling you about every little thing. I know you want to be there for the children, but setting up an email account that both of you can access is so easy and it can be done at either place w/o you going over there and being physically present.

I swear, it's almost like he doesn't want you to have one moment's peace and he definitely doesn't want you to move on and enjoy your life being a single woman. Such a shame. A lot of this drama he's created could have all been avoided had he just settled himself down.

Try to enjoy your weekend and do not answer his calls or text messages because you have the children w/you and there is no need for him to call you. Time for him to face the consequences of his actions.

[Wonka]

WH,

J wanted a D so bad so let him learn stuff on his own! Let him swing in the wind on a rope dangling by his raspberry beret. He has some serious competition with Wiley E. Coyote!!!

[Matt165]

Hi WH,
In my M, I have always been the one (over the last few years especially) that took the kids to all their functions, went to school meetings, even took my D shopping for her prom dress! All their friends parents know me well from my being at all the school functions, birthday parties, plays, etc. Just yesterday my D went to a friends event and her mom invited me to go out to dinner after. My W would never have gone, probably wouldn't have been invited since she hasn't ever been around. I tried over the last year or more to get her to be more involved, go to things with my D and other parents. Even when she went she just never seemed to want to warm up to the other parents. She had her new friends at her work and they were the only ones who matter to her.

Now that she is moving out, she will have to do these things. She will need to learn to be there for my D14. To take her to her events, her friends houses, have some kind of relationship with the other parents. Your H needs to learn to do this as well. My W is showing all the "lets be friends" signs that your H is. How they can think you can be friends with someone who could betray us like they have is beyond me.

Let him learn how to do these things on his own. Time for him to face up to just what he has done to you and his kids. He destroyed a family. He hurt those that counted on him the most for his own "happiness" and selfish, childish "wants". Time for him to face the consequences of his actions and learn what having what he thinks he wanted so badly is going to cost!

[kml]

OMG WH!!!
Go on Facebook and look on George Takei's page.

He just posted a picture of a finger, with a little face drawn on it, and a real raspberry stuck on the tip for a hat. A real-life Raspberry Beret!!! I couldn't help giggling and thinking about your ex!

[wishing, hoping]

Omg KML that has to be the funniest thing I have seen in ages!!! Lmao! I wish we could post pictures to the forum. That would be my profile pic for sure!! I hope Wonka sees this!!!!

You made my evening KML. And that's saying a lot because I was having a pretty good day too!

WH

[wishing, hoping]

One odd thing.

Now that things are final J is calling me a lot, but it's been my 5 days with the kids and he has not called them once. That's the first time in over a year. Before he called them so much it was intrusive. Now nothing. I guess there is nothing left to harass me about.

He was supposed to close on his refi tonight. No news is good news I guess. I'm happy to be free of the debt but sad too. It was a dream at one time that turned into a nightmare. I think that house is cursed.

Trying to give it to God. J makes me sick now. I can't even stand talking to him anymore. He has sold his soul. A part of me wants justice but I know that's out of my hands. And it's too much energy for me to think about.

So this weekend I'm finishing up decor for D's birthday party and picking up my washer and dryer. I'm excited. I can't wait to hook it up. I wish there was somewhere to put a clothesline, but not sure of any good areas.

Btw my last utility bill was almost $400 now it didn't even break $90. Go me!!!

WH

[beatrice]

I think that house is cursed.

although different in many ways, our stories have curious resonances (apart from unusually vindictive ex spouses) I am still embroiled in legal action and just have learned of some new stuff he is sneakily planning.

We had a wonderful amazing house that we both loved, but just before xh MLC kicked in. Although it didn't cause us financial problems, neither of could afford it on our own, and its sale caused me some grief after my xh left me (although ultimately only a thing) But, my eldest son who is a hard headed lawyer said that he sometimes felt the house was cursed!

The previous owners, who were really lovely people, their youngest daughter attempted suicide in the house. Do houses have an atmosphere? All I know is that nothing went right after we bought the house, even though it looked like paradise on earth.

Of course I am not saying that the house caused MLC! But I do think it was a factor somewhere.

Hope the refi goes well.

[wishing, hoping]

Thanks, Beatrice. Our situations are eerily similar. I hope mine does not go on for as long as yours has. I think maybe J has cooled his jets now that he has gotten what he thought he wanted. Time will tell.

J's lender said the refi closed without a hitch. So that clears my name up as long as J doesn't rescind the refi. He has three days to refuse the deal. I don't know why he would, but you just never know with that guy. In a few weeks, I will contact the bank to get J's name off the credit card and try to start paying off my legal balance.

I finally paid off my washer and dryer and now is the daunting task of picking them up. I can only fit one appliance in my van at a time, so today I am getting the dryer. I called the upstairs neighbor who can help me bring the dryer in the house, but he has a bad back and I felt bad asking him once I found that out. But he said for me to get the dryer first since it was much lighter than the washer. I have another neighbor who lives down the hill from me who is built like a rock (seriously hot) so I will ask him to give me a hand if I pick up the washer tomorrow or Friday. The landlord said he would give me a hand installing it tomorrow or this weekend. I'm both nervous and excited. I keep wondering what could go wrong. Anxiety is rearing its ugly head.

Looking for a patio table too. I thought about getting something new, but I just found something on Craigslist that needs some paint and cushions, but it has 4 chairs, a table, umbrella and umbrella stand for $75. It is located in the town where I live, so I can make a couple trips if necessary.

Kids are off with J for a few days. It is bittersweet. I have lots to do so it will be nice to have the free time, but I miss them so much. It stinks not having them every day.

WH

[beatrice]

Hi, I think what you are doing is awesome and am glad that the house is refi.

If it helps, my xh went away postdivorce for a couple of years. Like yours, my divorce took forever. It has just been the last year (since my youngest announced his engagement) that he has been batchit crazy again. But his MLC behaviour started immediately after my eldest son got engaged. . . now if I can persuade my middle son to remain single maybe we will have a bit of stability. The marriage of his children is something he clearly cannot handle.

Yours have a while to go on this . . . . !!