What you need to think about validating in proper context is your H's feelings in regard to stress, the M, etc. When it comes to kids, you would want to mix things up with validation along with support. When it comes to parenting the kids, I think, that one needs not be just remote and not get involved with solutions.
Perhaps you can draw more out of your H by saying, "Tell more about this. What do you think is happening here?" Ask open-ended questions that shows H that you are sympathetic and yet open to hearing his views on children. This is what bonds parents, right?
Hope this helps!
Perhaps other DBers can chime in with their parenting experiences that have had more positive exchanges.
