Old dog seeks new trick

[Old Dog]

She likened the situation to not maintaining a car adequately, and now it’s broken down: beyond repair she says.

My family (the one I grew up in) have never displayed much loving emotion, our family just seemed to plod on: that seemed tone normal for me.

She says I lack, the passion, initiative, motivation, nurturing, drive and pro-activity that she posses. I am steady, stable, not given to hysterics but I do fly off the handle sometimes, raging and cursing. I inherited this from my father, she saw it in him and abhors it in me. I’m not too proud of it either.

In the past, she was prepared to put up with my easy as she was also deficient in ways and appreciated the loyalty and stability that she never had at home. When we first met, my job took me away for weeks on end several times a year and she would cry and beg me not to go, but I had to, it was my job. She understood, but hated it when I left.

Eventually I quit that job and she started training to be a counsellor. After about a year, she says she stopped because she realised that she would be moving on whilst I wasn’t and we would split. She didn’t tell me this at the time, only recently.

We carried on, bought a house, had kids, moved a couple of times. About 4-5 years ago, we were stuck in a rut. We went to MC. We moved again to get out of the place we were living and decided to stay on our new place until the kids left school.

Going to MC brought up the same lack of input in me. I hadn’t changed. A couple of years ago, she decided that I couldn’t or wasn’t prepared to change and she would have to get out. It has taken her 2 years to actually do it.

I have taken a back seat in the relationship which she was happy to drive in the first place, but now she wants more and it’s too late for me. She is exhausted because all the things that happen to us are because she books it, plans it, arranges it etc. She is also looking after the kids 5 days a week while I work away from home. She say she thinks I’m quite happy doing this and don’t have a thing to worry about in the week, while she is always tired, but needs to carry on for the kids.

Gotta dash now, I’m off to work again, while she returns home after a night out with an old friend discussing who knows what, but my ears are burning.