Almost home..

[mdu]

Thx Starsky & Train, that helps clarify! I think I'm on the right track. I wrote a letter, which I'm NOT sending at this time, but it helps clarify my thoughts and prepare me if the topic comes up again. Does this sound like a boundary the way it is written?


"Dear H,

I have been thinking a lot about some of our latest discussions and felt it was important to share some of my latest insights so we can both make honestly informed decisions going forward.

The affair is obviously terribly upsetting but almost worse has been your lack of commitment to our marriage. When we married my belief is we became family and that means we always stick together and do whatever it takes to work it out. I have come to the conclusion that it’s not possible for me to be happy with someone who does not hold this same core belief.

With that, I have thought a lot about in house separation and realize I can’t have you back in this house in any way, shape or form until you are 100% recommitted to this marriage and the work required to repair it. An ambivalent, “we’ll see how it goes” attitude is not acceptable. I believe this type of attitude would set us up for failure and inevitably send us all on another rollercoaster of reconciliation/separation. I think it goes without saying this is not fair to me, our children or anyone else affected by this.

Conversely, I feel confident that if we both have a strong attitude of “we’ll do whatever it takes to make this marriage and family happy” together we can make it happen. I think I have been clear that I am motivated to do my part but obviously can’t do it alone.

No matter what you feel, I hope you will respect that we both deserve complete honesty so we can act and make the best possible decisions for ourselves and the kids with the most accurate information possible.

Love, MDU"