The only way IC works, in my view, is if you walk in and say "I accept that I have problem X, I know it's negatively impacting the people around me, and I want you to help me develop and implement a plan to fix this problem."
Anything short of that will only give him the excuse to say "I tried."
So demanding IC for him isn't what you want. He can fake his way through that.
What you want is him to recognize that he has a problem, and that he cares enough about you to want to fix it.
From all indications, that is going to be a very tall order for your H. He doesn't seem that connected with the consequences of his actions beyond himself. Unfortunately, you can't force anyone to recognize their flaws, let alone take responsibility for them.
Accepting anything less on your part though is just setting unrealistic expectations, and we know disappointment follows that.
