Starting off my day well, sticking to my plan so far, got up early, ran on the treadmill, showered and got myself looking good ;-) H came by to drop off S after their overnight cub scout event. He brought us donuts. We had a pleasant chat.
I see very clearly now that I've obviously attached a ton of expectation to our discussion on Thursday night. And I need to get over it and chill. It's all well and good that he's declaring he wants to earn back my trust after a very fun date but that still doesn't demonstrate that he's truly ready to be in it to win it.
I'm trying to remind myself (AGAIN!) that time is of the essence. That if I don't give it time there's a good chance I will push us along into something that he's not really ready for and it will all blow up again. And, more importantly, I will not be really ready either. I need to continue to work on my own changes and get myself on more solid footing.
Although I know that trying to impose a timeline is bad I do have one major struggle on this front. My stepson is getting married in early October. I keep thinking that if H and I aren't seriously on the road to reconciliation by then and at the wedding we're still separated (or even worse, I am not invited at all), that would be really tough to recover from. It would be so horribly painful to be at a 'family' event but completely on the fringes or excluded entirely. I'm not sure I could get over that. So while I know I need to give it time I do feel like I have this 'deadline' looming. Anyone with thoughts how to deal with this?
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
