I'm Just About Ready For The Fork

[Kimmerz]

sorry sent too early!
Meant to say Im choosing to step out of this because what it all boils down to is that this is now their issues with the MLCer. I hate seeing my kids hurt! Nothing will make the mamma bear come out inside of me like my kids being hurt! I understand!

We can love them through this, support them, listen to them, and talk with them, but we can't change what these A$$holes's have done to them! And it's the most powerless feeling in the world!

You're so right Tad! In the long run, she's the one that's losing, not you!It's just not boldy showing up right now. It's just that the time frame in which this all unfolds is so damn slow! It's never in a time frame in which our ego's would love to see!

I know it seems like these MLCers will NEVER WAKE UP. And it's many years before they do! However when they do wake up and truly face the reality they created, I honestly feel sorry for them. Because all the misery in which everyone has suffered from this, will then hit them! The MLCer's that actually wake up and get it, will get the sucker punch of a lifetime.

And I guess for me personally, Im working on myself, my issues, and truly striving to grasp unconditional love. So when the time comes that they're knocked to the ground by the reality of their own doing, will I be woman enough to extend a loving hand out to help him back up?

I sure hope to be! I know its not going to happen today. Tomorrow isn't looking good either! But My goal is to get there.

[tadpole1025]

Thanks Kimmerz.

So when the time comes that they're knocked to the ground by the reality of their own doing, will I be woman enough to extend a loving hand out to help him back up?

I've thought about this too. Not sure....

I don't want to hurt her, but the damage....Yes, I still love her and it is safe to say that I'm still a little crazy over her (always have been) and sometimes am angry at myself for feeling the way I do. I wonder if I even should still have feelings for her. Not sure if I'll be man enough to be there for her or even want to be there for her if/when she hits the bottom.

Sometimes I find it hard to believe that she doesn't possibly see what she has done. How could she not?

I've been reading a lot of Matt165's thread lately. His sitch is so similar to mine. The things they do and say are so universal. It's almost like they really were kidnapped and taken over by something else. The playbook is the same.

These people really are nuts.

I've tried for three and a half years to quit asking how, why....so hard sometimes.

I hope to hear news on the job next week.

Tad

[MrBond]

"I've tried for three and a half years to quit asking how, why....so hard sometimes."

Okay, seriously, just stop. The reason why you haven't moved on is because you don't want to move on. You keep bringing up your XW and ask why she's doing this and that, how much she's hurting everyone, etc. Just stop.

You want to start being a better man? Stop talking about your XW. Emphasis on the EX. Whatever happened to the goal of just posting something positive?s

[tadpole1025]

I was responding to Kimmerz.....and expressing feelings not harping, but okay.

As for Matt's thread, I was showing him that it is common, but again, okay.

This is a thread for MLC. What should I post about? Football? The weather maybe? Cookie recipes? Just curious.

Taking a break from this place for a while since everytime I seem to say ANYTHING I seem to get jumped on.

Tad

[MrBond]

"I was responding to Kimmerz.....and expressing feelings not harping, but okay."

That's not the point and you know it.

"As for Matt's thread, I was showing him that it is common, but again, okay."

Go back and read your post. You weren't telling him it was common. You were interjecting your pain into his situation rather than showing him how he can deal with it better.

See, you're not getting it. All you do is vent. That's fine, but then you vent and complain and wonder why you can't move on. You go through bouts of depression and keep complaining.

My W went through MLC, so I totally get the frustration you are going through. My W also had an OM who just so happened to be her boss. So I understand that part. But the point is that I didn't let it consume me. I went into depression, sure, but I got out of it. I didn't have to deal with my parent dying and losing my job. But you can either let it eat you alive or you can make you stronger. For me, my children were my inspiration to get stronger. You can do the same.

That's why it's important for you to write down things that are positive. Even when you're talking about your rats, you centered on how short their life spans were rather than how great they are. In fact, how about talking about the joy with your sons.

[Kimmerz]

A word of advice for all.

Read the book "The brain in Love".

Explains from a biological standpoint as to why there is so much emotional pain during break ups.

I found it fascinating.

[AJM]

One of the things about the situation that brought us here is that it's personal and the timelines are what they are. It's ok, Tad to vent. It's ok to have these feelings longer than others. It's ok. But the way out of it, the way Mr B mentions, is to focus on the positives vs. the negatives. It's true for everyone and is a time tested method of embracing the life you're living. To do otherwise, is to lay down and die.

You've been sucker punched by a lot in life in short order. While it's hard to overcome all of it at once, it does take time. How much? Well, that's personal to you.

I want to take a minute and acknowledge that I've seen a shift in you over the years. Slower sometimes and faster others. Recently you seem to be accelerating those changes, albeit kicking and screaming the whole way

But I do see some momentum away from the negative focus more and more.

Posting your feelings for others? That's not only helpful to many but helpful to yourself, Tad. Keep doing it, but don't get sucked in. That's easy to do.

Here's a challenge for you. As you write those feelings, try and find something positive in them. For example, while your ex is STILL spewing crazy junk at you and the boys, she's less at you than before. You're handling it better than before. You're making progress, and that's important. Notice how you don't feel as dejected and depressed as before? Notice how you are feeling more about your kids pain than your own? That's something you haven't fully embraced before, at least not on these boards. It was kind of 50/50 for a long time. Like you knew it academically, but didn't quite embrace that.

Lyrics from Mexicoma (just cause it sounds funny)
Sure was good to know you
I still wanna hold ya,
But I know it's over.
You ain't coming back.

Notice that it's positive in the sense that, yeah I have feelings, but I know it's over? That's a start. You're already there at that point. Before too much longer you'll get a stronger feeling of not wanting anything to do with her. You'll realize the kind of person she is now, is not the kind of person you want anything to do with. But you'll also realize that your kids need to figure out their relationship and you'll be happy for them when they do.

Keep making that progress, Tad. It's a longer road for some, but you're on it, may as well enjoy the ride

Good luck on the job front! I like your approach of wanting the one but not stopping the looking and putting all the eggs in one basket.

AJ

[tadpole1025]

Thanks for the responses.

AJ - I am changing, but not as quickly as I'd like. I really thought that I would be done with all of her garbage by now, but I'm getting there.....slowly.

Kimmerz - I will look for the book.

MrBond - I really do know what you are saying and I'm sorry if I came off a little p!ssed off. I'll be honest, I was, but I also see your point.

The events of the last few days warrant a brand new thread.

I've titled it:

My Happy Thread!!!

Tad