Possilble WAW

[PeterV2]

dawgy. see, when you pull back she comes closer. Just keep pulling back. Don't pursue. Asking to go with her shopping was pursuing. That's a no no.

Keep your imagination in check. If you want to imagine something, imagine that she's having fights with the OM and is in great turmoil, and that you're the only real save haven she has.

In bed, don't make any moves on her. If she wants to cuddle, let her. Just don't interpret that as in invitation to get frisky. Women need to cuddle. It's men who need sex. Read the book: His Needs Her Needs. Has some great eye-openers.

Yes, this will be the hardest thing you've ever done in your life. So true for all of us LBSs.

Get a copy of DR. Critical read.

[PeterV2]

oh, and when you screw up, don't beat yourself up over it. Get back up, dust yourself off and carry on with the DBing. We all screw up from time to time. Just carry on regardless.

[dawgy]

thx for the support from everyone . i feel so lost most of the time . the only relief i get is when someone posts some encouragment or when do does something or says something positive towards us . Shes working alot , i think that its to make money to pack up and leave but that could be me being paranoid . She says that work is the only thing keeping her sane . She admitted to having coffee yesterday when she went shopping but she didnt say with who . i didnt want to ask because if she said it was with the OM it would have ruined my day . I find detaching extremely difficult especially when your trying to put on a front for the kids . If she doesnt move out the end of the month I will breathe easier and really give her space and detachment , but right now I feel so vulnerable about her leaving Im walking on eggshells .I may have a copy or DR coming in this week . Fingers crossed

[PeterV2]

She says that work is the only thing keeping her sane

That I would believe. Seems she's made a mess of her personal life and she's struggling with that, which is good. So her work life is the only thing not in turmoil and she's seeking refuge in that.
Try to stop thinking about her and especially stop thinking about the OM. I know it's really hard to do. Focus on your kids. Focus on your own self and well-being. Keep pulling away from her. Reread Sandi's rules. Rewrite them in the first person and internalize them. You'd be amazed at how well they can work if you have the self discipline and self control to follow them to a T.
It's like trying to feed a squirrel. If you chase after it you'll never catch it. If you sit patiently and very still it will approach. When it takes the food from your hand you still have to remain motionless or it'll run away and may never come back again. Only after many times may the squirrel stay when you move.

[dawgy]

Mornings are hard . She is very distant in the morning and she seems to be doing alot of thinking . The end of the month is drawing near and Im praying that she doesnt leave . Im trying hard to make space but I didnt do so well this weekend . So she went to work all day Sunday . I think its to stay away from the family , mostly me . I know im still obsessing about her and whats shes doing . And I havent done much for me . Ive got it in my head that if we make it to the end of the month and she doesnt leave Im going to kick it into gear DB bigtime ,but right now i just need to make it to there . Also i need to come up with a plan on how to deal with it if she does leave at months end . Any sugestions on coping with that ?

[dawgy]

I messed up this morning and i snooped her phone . She left it out and had to run to the bathroom. There was a text message that said " xoxo you have my heart " That crippled me . Can some one tell me how to handle that mentally . I wish I hadnt snooped now . Every time i do I get hurt .

[Thornton]

People in affairs do and say crazy things. Do not tell WAW that you snooped on her phone. You're going to have to let it go.

Statistically, most affairs burn out within 6 months.

This isn't the end for you, Dawgy.

[GoatGal]

Good Morning, Dawgy,

I know it's hard to take advice to heart. It's a lot easier to dish it out than it is to implement it.

You can read my thread for various "moments of weakness" re: snooping to find out exactly HOW ugly it can get.
It never ends well.
You find nothing? You feel relieved.
But you wonder...what if they have a secret phone?
And what about tomorrow?
If you find something tomorrow, it can lead to more and more need for confirmation.

If you find something, it's completely out of context or worse. IT WILL HURT YOU and your PMA.

Take it from me...

Sounds like you now know all you need to know. Try HARD to put it out of your mind and get your focus on your own life.

The sad fact it, when cheaters are confronted, they can:
Get angry
Take it even more underground.

What do you do then?

We all slip up from time to time.
Let this be your last time and you'll be miles ahead of me.

See you at the DAWG PARK!
(Somebody please bring a Frisbee!)


---GG

[GoatGal]

For what it's worth,
just because there is "xoxo you have my heart" TODAY
doesn't mean that either one of them really MEANS it,
or that TOMORROW it won't be "I love Dawgy and I've made a huge mistake." !

YOU JUST DON'T KNOW WHAT THIS MEANS.

Try and let it go...


WAS lie, manipulate, say crazy sh*t.

Just think about BD day and the time that led up to that.
Was it a shock, or not?

They can go hot and cold and everything in between. They're confused.
And they will confuse YOU trying to figure them out.
(Again, take it from me, I'm trying to save you from pain here.)

There are many stories here of people whose spouses declared undying love for them one day, then the next said they wanted a divorce.
And flip-flopped shortly thereafter.


What is one of sand's rules?

PAY NO ATTENTION TO ANYTHING THEY SAY!

A text is just that. WORDS.
Not fact, not truth.

Not for Dawgy to be reading anymore, OK?

Hang in there!

--GG

[dawgy]

Thanks Thorton and GoatGal . I just some days are so full of fear and emotion its hard to take without some words of wisdom. As far a affairs lasting about six months we are at seven as of now . about three since i found out . Some days I see a glimmer of hope and other days it looks mighty dim .I can forgive and forget whats been going on , i have committed myself to my marriage . but im afraid she cant forgive herself for what shes done . I think she is going to struggle with that . If the affair was over i could help her . Im praying that this fling is on its way out and she doesnt leave us .