Met W when I was 20. Dated for 3 years. She was in debt, so I gave her the remainder of my inheritance before the wedding. my mom was supposed to move in with step father and we were to take over the house. SF dying ended that idea. The next plan was to save for a house.
After marriage, it she told me she must be in control of the money so she wouldn't be like her aunt who was lost when her husband died. We kept getting into more and more debt. We'd have argument but I would always give in. Three years ago I paid it off by selling off all retirement and borrowing money from mom. We should have been out of debt by now and either have moved away or built an in-law apartment; instead we are almost $30k in debt. I should have manned up and took over the finances but chose the least confrontational way instead. W's grocery list item #1, we need our own place. After this affair came to light, she insisted we move the kids and us out to anywhere ASAP. Um, no. Not while she's cheating and we have no money.
Grocery list item #2: I have anger problems. I have lots of excuses but they are just that. I've seen multiple ICs since I was a teen. I've been on and off anti-depressants. I have gotten better. Before her first affair we had lots of screaming fights. She'd hit me. She'd threaten to take the kids. I'd yell. I have gotten better. I am slower to anger and do not yell as much. I do get frustrated when projects don't go my way and cuss. Yup, I should have worked on this more that I did. We never handled each other well, She would snap at me and I back to her. I know I yelled at the kids too much. I did slap older son once. She loaded on and said the boys were afraid of me and would hurt them. This is not the truth but I believed it after this affair and that lead me to Suicide attempt #1. I was NOT going to hurt anyone again. Yes my words hurt the children and hurt her.
