Is OW just batsh!$ crazy?

[25yearsmlc]

I can't, I expect perfection in myself. I try to do it all then I end up breaking down.

I have tried for years to pair down my expectations and every time I do I disappoint someone and end up feeling so much regret and guilt.


What do you think this ^^ models for your children?

If I recall correctly, In the midst of all the chaos and pain around your son, (who sees his own dad --when?)

you were "disappointed in him" (and your mother) for his not getting an A in a class...

I believe this IS something you CAN work on. Not overnight but at least try to see it how we are. We are all here FOR YOU ON YOUR "TEAM"... so, maybe you can consider that...


Right now it's not necessarily meeting H's expectations of calmness but my kids expect me to be calm and upbeat. It's very hard.

It's hard....for so many reasons. But imo, what they need most is a mother who allows them to fall now & then, b/c she allows herself to stumble and fall-- and they'll see that fall, that "failure", and THEN they'll see her pick herself up and dust herself off and once again, move forward.

THEY will face betrayals and setbacks and failures of their own someday.

Show them how to handle it by not being ashamed of being human and flawed (you know, "not perfect"??) Model forgiveness of ourselves, for them...by showing you can handle a less than perfect day.

BTW, your son's birthday party did NOT sound like a "total disaster" to me at all. I think you showed flexibility and resilience...good grief, what if he'd wanted a picnic and it had rained?? This is life.


The twins were up at 5am. The older boys are on summer vacation and fighting with each other and not wanting to do their chores. Typical kid behavior but for me combine that with my day yesterday, doing this alone and the hormones of pregnancy I often go into my closet for 5 min to cry.

I REALLY want to release my anger to H but I know he doesn't care.

QUESTION:

If your h said you were acting like a "purple lesbian mousy dinosaur, who HATES ALL SINGING",

would you then wonder about your hair color or your complexion? Would you make sure you expressed all the good things about men so no one believed you might be gay?
Would you wear cover up make up "in case he is right" about you being purple?
Would you make sure you "hummed" everything you said to prove you DO like singing?? Well??

No, you'd say "He's nuts, and HIS DATA ABOUT ME IS NOT REAL"--

and that's why nothing HE says or thinks can matter.

He's so biased that his data is not real. Don't let untrue data in. I say this b/c everyday going to work in the city, I used to see a homeless man who lived on a street grill and HATED ME for some reason. I either reminded him of someone or I triggered a weird synaptic response in him but he routinely would yell at ME in public and say the oddest dirtiest things I've ever heard.

One day my BOSS was walking with me by the subway and the crazy homeless "grill man" yelled at me and my boss, God bless him, said 'Oh is that your old boyfriend?"

to which we both laughed and in an instant I realized I had let the grill man's insane "false data" cause ME to wonder about what "Signals' I was sending to the universe or if I should wear my hair differently or wear brighter colors...I mean, this grill man did NOT KNOW ME AT ALL and he is insane.

Your h, in contrast, has every reason to NOT be honest about you. He's done what is considered in ALL cultures and centuries, the "CAD" behavior of a scoundrel.

And it's not even his first time cheating, AND he's not even "in love" with OW enough to be faithful to HER...

so no, you do not get to take in a word HE says, about YOU to anyone.

Even If I heard those words from a man who DID BELIEVE that you had "trapped" him by getting pregnant with a 3rd child (as if HE is the trapped party!!!...)

and EVEN IF I BELIEVED YOU DID THAT, he's still cheating on a pregnant wife!

It would reflect so much more on him than on you, even if I believed every single word he said. But I sincerely doubt any woman does...fwiw.

It goes along with men/women who cheat on their spouse soldiers while they are deployed in combat...YOU JUST DO NOT DO THAT...EVER...

Make sense?

((( )))