Sandi - am I wasting my time? I have asked my lawyer to move slow with the divorce from our end but not to impede anything. Should I just go through with it? I know you don't know him but am I am idiot for wanting/thinking I might be able to save our marriage
You are the only one who can make that decision. My mission is not to discourage you from trying to save your M. I just want to help you see that the methods you've used don't work.
I hope him losing his moral compass will be short-term. However, after discovering that some of his actions could be, partly, a repeat of things past........I am concerned about future affairs. He is a young man who may be a potential serial cheater. I hope for everyone's sake he's not!
Have you talked to his mother about past relationships he's had? She may not have known very much about it, but if it were me, I would consider asking her if this looks familiar to her.
I know you are dealing with so many emotions and searching for answers. IMHO, if your H decides he wants to come back, I think he needs IC before you agree to live with him, and then the two of you have a very good MC. Maybe there aren't as many issues with him as it seems, but then again, it could.
He has stepped off into a mess, and it may take a long time to get out of it. In the meantime, I believe you need to do whatever it takes to keep your sanity and give you peace. You start rebuilding your life as if he is never coming back. I think you have to turn him loose emotionally and move forward. If you want to go slowly with the D, that is understandable. Going too fast might cause you to always doubt or wonder "if only", which is not a healthy way to live. But every other way......you turn him loose.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
