If he texts about the game, remember one word responses. Yes, no, or it starts at 4pm or whatever. He needs to get his own damn schedule. Why the eff' do you have to provide all the times? Is he incapable?
If he wants to talk to his kids, he should send you a text letting you know when he will be calling. That way your son can answer the phone when he does call. You wont have to have any contact with him.
You don't have to have your kids call him. That's ridiculous. He's on a power trip.
If only he could do that! He will text me and tell me To have the boys call him. To which I feel I shouldn't have to oblige. If he wants to talk he can pick up the phone. But I wasn't sure if that was DB'ing because it Just makes him more angry
Yes he's incapable! He used to drive our son to school and he came by to pick him up on a Good Friday and when he realized my son wasn't coming out when he pulled up he went crazy on me through text how come you didn't tell me he didn't have school I didn't know he didn't have school. I said there is a school Calendar online !
Plus the big board out front school that had the announcements. You know like no school Friday! Lol
I guess I'm Scared to detach. I'm fighting holding on to the last bit that I can because I feel so sad/humiliated/defeated by his words to all of our friends about it being over. I know this is an internal battle that only I can fix but I know that's where it's coming from. FEAR. I know I need to LET GO I am closer each day but not there quite yet. And some days I most definitely back slide. Unfortunately because our contact is so limited I can't afford to back slide
You are where I was with this not too long ago. I felt like detaching and giving up were the same thing. They are not. Don't get me wrong, I have not completely detached but feel I am making baby steps. You need to stop analyzing everything he is doing or saying, stop letting HIM control YOUR emotions or what you do or don't do. That does not mean you have to give up on your M.
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
Thank you ... It is a long journey. I'm in for the long haul
So he didn't call S before his game this morning but we did get a text later on saying 'howd the game go.' I replied 'very well.' He read it and never responded.
Sandi - am I wasting my time? I have asked my lawyer to move slow with the divorce from our end but not to impede anything. Should I just go through with it? I know you don't know him but am I am idiot for wanting/thinking I might be able to save our marriage
You are the only one who can make that decision. My mission is not to discourage you from trying to save your M. I just want to help you see that the methods you've used don't work.
I hope him losing his moral compass will be short-term. However, after discovering that some of his actions could be, partly, a repeat of things past........I am concerned about future affairs. He is a young man who may be a potential serial cheater. I hope for everyone's sake he's not!
Have you talked to his mother about past relationships he's had? She may not have known very much about it, but if it were me, I would consider asking her if this looks familiar to her.
I know you are dealing with so many emotions and searching for answers. IMHO, if your H decides he wants to come back, I think he needs IC before you agree to live with him, and then the two of you have a very good MC. Maybe there aren't as many issues with him as it seems, but then again, it could.
He has stepped off into a mess, and it may take a long time to get out of it. In the meantime, I believe you need to do whatever it takes to keep your sanity and give you peace. You start rebuilding your life as if he is never coming back. I think you have to turn him loose emotionally and move forward. If you want to go slowly with the D, that is understandable. Going too fast might cause you to always doubt or wonder "if only", which is not a healthy way to live. But every other way......you turn him loose.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I know I am struggling with the way he has handled things. The blatant disrespect and lack of regard for the boys and I. I know it's not the family's fault he's with but everyone around town knows them as not great people which is why we always had issues about them because I wanted H to get away from them.
I hope one day he will wake up. I have talked with his mother about past relationships and it doesn't seem he was a serial cheater. However he always quits at things - projects etc. he never stays interested in things. I just thought marriage and family were different from material things. That's the only thing I can attribute some of this to. That when things get hard it's easier for him to pick up and leave.
I now struggle with him sharing his life with her and her family. I fear of my boys having to be around them. I know I am biased but they are wonderful loving boys and I do not want them raised around people like them and who my H currently is. I know there's not much control I have over that but I honestly think at this moment if you told me H fell off the face of the earth and id have the boys I would be more okay than I am now. It's the thought that the home wrecker (H is responsible for majority of this I know) could be involved actively in my boys lives. That is something I struggle with. I'm not sure where my head is. I'm definitely more detached. I didn't let his negativity affect my day. When I got the text about him suing me for defamation of character I laughed and moved on with the day.
The boys and I had a great day. I had to call in sick since H decided to go out of town with OW so I had nobody to watch the boys. Can't complain about a Saturday off though! I bought them a basketball hoop since they're really into it now. We just got back from my friends house so they got to swim all day/night and play with their friends. It's nice to have adult time. My friends husband wanted to be filled in since I haven't seen him in months. It's weirdly nice to hear that random people know what a bad reputation this family has. I hope for my H that he can help himself to get out of the situation he had allowed himself to get in
I had to know the truth. I'm so sick of him blaming this on me and now he's blaming it on my FATHER my father who lives with me and watches our boys!!!
He has been talking with this homewrecker nonstop. He was texting her in between texting me a lot of the days!
What would the world's classiest woman do in this situation?
She would do nothing, she would let this roll off her back because she knows she's better than that. She wouldn't care what other people thought about him bashing her and her father.
Don't give him a reason to justify in his mind that he made the right choice by cheating and leaving. He WANTS you to make it easy for him by acting crazy.
Be cool and calm. You're in pain now, he will be later.
