Is OW just batsh!$ crazy?

[25yearsmlc]

I have great friends but they work! They aren't available to me 24/7 and who the heck asks someone else to help at their kids birthday party?


I've been biting my tongue (unusual for me, I know ) but THIS^^ stuck out and demands a reply.

A LOT OF WOMEN ASKS THEIR FRIENDS FOR HELP AND A LOT OF FRIENDS OFFER when they know the situation. I don't get the whole "do it ALL myself" approach you are taking. And forgive me b/c the last thing you need is a criticism but I think you are actually a little risky in this trait of yours.

It's like saying you won't want child support...it's not really yours to give up. So when you face a daunting task involving your children, you are not doing them a favor by refusing to ask for help. And in this^^ scenario I can think of almost no one who would NOT ask a friend for help...seroiusly...

I'm a veteran, and a military wife. 17 moves under my belt, with kids. So we make our needs known or we'd all go nuts.


Sorry, but how am I supposed to say "please come help me run after kids at my son's party\

Um...First, try picking up a phone... or make your needs known in person or maybe an email. What's the worst that they can think of you? ---"OM! I can't believe it. TwinMom thinks just b/c she's pregnant and her h left her for OW, and she has these other kids, she thinks she CAN ASK MEEEEEE for a favor?????"

TM, your reaction leaves me puzzled.

Earlier you were Saying you are a "perfectionist" ...but to me that is also saying you structure your life for disappointment, b/c the NEWSFLASH is, you will never be perfect, even/especially in your own eyes. Perfection is not a human trait.
I hope you'll work on this for yours sake and for your children's sake. What was your family life like, growing up? I only ask b/c you have an extreme form of this, given the givens.

Or do you think it's more related to the whole hormone thing? I mean, are you always this way?

And I am NOT defending your inexcusably selfish h at all, but do you think maybe he likes feeling useful/needed?


but don't forget to leave your kids with a babysitter" kinda rude.... so I just suck it up do what I have to and break down later in private.

not to quibble or beat a dead horse but no, you do Not "Just have to sukk it up" ...you have to communicate your needs to others and NOT assume they will read your mind. it's really only fair to them AND to your kids b/c you're not able to do it all. NO ONE IS and so, in a small way I will echo the phrase, "it takes a village" or at least some family help or a friend's....seroiusly.


And THERE IS NO WAY IN H$@@ I WILL EVER PLAY A SYMPATHY CARD to have someone do something for me. I have asked my mom for help, it created more work/trip to the hospital for me.


No offense TM, but it's not just about you anymore.

Your kids could use a healthier happier mom and a fully present mother. You cannot be that woman without asking for help. Put the pride away for now. If not your mom, then a friend or cousin or sister...and btw, No one will ever think YOU "played the sympathy card"...(they may think the opposite, but that's not today's problem).

BTW, I had surgery in November and it turned into a bigger deal than I expected. Zero weight bearing for 8 weeks was much MUCH harder than I expected (who knows what I 'expected'?) anyhow, I know what it's like to BE dependent on others for help and it's not pretty but you know, for the most part I think it really was good for my kids and my h AND My friends who felt so much more helpful and useful when they saw me in such physical pain. At least there was SOMETHING they could do...


I will not ask H for help.

The only reason I agree with this^^ is b/c HE IS NOT reliable and b/c your expectations will flare up, perhaps and that will sukk for you. So I get this and I concede he's NOT who to call...probably ever, unless required by law.


Sometimes I ask friends for help but they are not my babysitters/maids/handy man. There is a huge difference in a friend being there when you need to cry and coming over to cut the grass for you.

Sending you positives....and strength!!!! and maybe a few hours of sleep.

Also, Keepgoing has a thread somewhere around here if she has not posted to you already.

We are all rooting for YOU and your children.


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