"Man The F*** Up" The Ultimate 180

[25yearsmlc]

well,

I read the whole thing twice. I can't address it line by line for several reasons.

For one thing, your spin on things is all over the place. You'll say she's "acting happy or friendly" and then "only to turn cold the next week/day"...but I cannot address your interpretations. Some of what you say is confusing as heck to ME and a lot of it is trivial stuff you seem to read into quite a bit and then there are things you are saying about what your wife "Seemed like" or "looked in the distance" and I cannot make heads or tails of your interpretation of where she was gazing or what she was thinking NOR do I believe it matters, at this moment in time...

Let go of the past.

Also, there is a major pattern of you pursuing her in the face of obvious DISINTEREST On her end. Stop trying to say something to her, "just in case" she does not know you want a reconciliation. She and the whole world knows that is what you want.

The few times she shows interest in you for whatever reason, (maybe she is intrigued by the new you??), then you must STFU and NOT talk about it and not immediately expecting a change in her choices or place an expectation on her...just let something new from you, sink in. That means

consistent change + sufficient time = change she can believe in.

OR maybe she is hoping you are alright, not suicidal, b/c after all, you were married. One way of showing her that you are better is NOT caring what she or her friends think or say about you. Get off of Facebook if it means stalking her or checking up on her.

You could have simply posted a few pictures of YOUR NEW GAL and never say a word about it and she'd have heard of it...but I suspect your urge to "tell her" or "show her" by going thru a 3rd party is too obviously manipulative on your end, to work. That's because if you were truly GAL, you would not need to "show" her anything...

The involvement of so many others in your m, is clearly detrimental to the m. Yet you DO still enlist the support of others. I don't think even you believe you reached out to her sister on FB b/c you were "concerned"...i mean, don't you see how controlling that must look to them? It really reeks man.

As for the "friends" who all turned on you, either you need better friends or you need to be a better friend. I can't say which but something is off in those scenarios.

I asked you if they saw something in you that you didn't see, and or, if they did not see the good in you and if so, why that would be.

In response, I got the LONG calendar of events from you without any insights from you or any overall perspective on it. I mean it's like you showed me your diary but that is not what I was seeking

(SIDENOTE: incidentally your post kind of reads like a grievance list, which you must toss out. The way you recall events is not actually that important, unless you are a witness for a case in court, okay?)

Besides, and NOTE THIS, I doubt your wife' Calendar is the same as yours. But again, what matters is NOT the sequence of events. We do not have to agree on marital history. All we must agree on is how to go "From this day forward".

(Please do not write that^^ or anything else to her, at this time).

I think you need to Stop all the pursuing. It's a clear pattern of yours. Back way way off and don't contact any of her people.

Let her come to you, but know that it may well take years. You may be emotionally unavailable to her then. Take it a day at a time.

Besides, you can work on YOU in the meantime. Since you are all you control, at least you KNOW this is something you can do.

I've had 2 family members divorce and later remarry their former spouses. It happens and I read somewhere that it happens 15% of the time.

In my family member's case, none of them expected to reconcile, and each one went to IC and they all changed and improved.

They worked on themselves on their own, and The 2nd time around really was better

but it was YEARS (4-5) before a reconciliation was possible. And yes, there were children involved.

All I can say from your posts here, is that I do hope you'll keep getting IC and work on the cyclical depressions and obsessive thought patterns. They are not serving you well at all.

Make sense?