Forgiven lazy husband - reconcilliation possible?

[25yearsmlc]

So now I am being too confident.
I decided to just pre book our S4 bday party at this play place and surprise her by taking initiative instead of always asking her what she wanted to do and making it her responsibility.
"So now I don't get a chance to talk about anything at all? Why are you always saying "I'll take care of it"

I answered stupidly "well I thought this is how you wanted to move forward" doh! Pursuing right?


you continue to make your choices based on your perception of HER wants.

Don't. Aside from massive mind reading on your part, That's also

NOT detachment; that is tactical strategizing to get her back.

The changes are supposed to be ones YOU want to make for YOU to become the man YOU want to become. So say things like that.

"W, In the past I abdicated too much to you and that was unfair to both of us. So now I'm taking more initiative, but I can see how that might look like taking over.

I'm looking for that fine line between taking more initiative and just 'taking over'. It seems you think I went too far, so thanks for the feedback."

OR words to that effect, if they feel authentic for you.


But I have a chance to right this with WAW
So is this validating enough?

"I am just getting things done...sorry you feel I haven't been discussing things with you.

it's not that she feels you have not been discussing things with her, it's that you HAVE NOT. In other words, her feelings reflect reality, right? IF so, just admit that.


You must feel so frustrated. What can I do to help you not feel this way?" Thoughts? Wonka?

Just apologize for taking over too much, b/c hey, you are probably all trying to walk a fine line.

Don't act as if she has complained to you about how she feels if she has not. The way I read it, was that She simply asked if she is now being excluded from planning, so address THAT.

IF SHE SAYS she "feels x", then go ahead and validate that you heard her feelings...but don't put words in her mouth. That's not validating. That's mind reading. If you don't know how she feels and if you think you need to know how she feels (but be careful here b/c it's very close to being R talk and at this moment, you need NO more of that)

but when unsure, ask her to "tell" you more about what she's expressing. Ask her to clarify so there is no mind reading.

Also use these last days NOT to mope but to create good memories for the kids...and give her positives to recall,

b/c a bad miserable mopey image of you, is NOT a man she'll miss.

Make sense?