one last chance

[25yearsmlc]

Was told last night that with this divorce, her health insurance won't cover me according to her HR department. Massachusetts usually protects this but since her company is self insured, they get out of it. So it looks like she's moving the divorce train full steam ahead.

This^^ is not an insurmountable problem Dad2. It's a painful but manageable hassle. Even if you have a pre-existing condition, you're covered under some plan. Don't spiral for these types of problems and btw, maybe SHE will pay for you to get some 3rd party insurance. That's what lawyers are for...

After I fell asleep last night, she starts texting me about S16 texting a number excessively. I'll check into it but she could easily do the same. I must be the parent and do the real work while she get to be the play date yet again.

Why not suggest you two discuss it "the next day", and or, tell her you would handle it at YOUR convenience? Again, not an unmanageable problem...even if she were at your home with you, you could have problems with a 16 y/o boy. Believe me, our 16 y/o d is a handful atm and it's NOT all b/c of my h leaving 8 years ago for 2 years (though d16 throws that in his face every time she's disciplined). SOME of these problems happen, anyhow...and those that happen "because" of the WAS are still not insurmountable.

I spent a lot of time last month, with 2 dear friends who have lost children...helps me keep my perspective. You need some of that too...perspective.

Your w has cheated on you and wants a divorce. That stinks!! Truly, We all get that..and you are also in the USA, a free man, a literate man with healthy children...Those little statements mean the freedom and standard of living for even our poorest, is better than most of the world's

(I mean, are you heating your hovel & Cooking your food over an open flame, with cow dung? B/c more than half the world is...) and you are healthy and...well, I hope you get my point.

Don't wallow or give into the anger so darn much. Your boys are watching you...more than you know.

So now, I'm awake for the night with my mind on S16, my huge debt, loss of insurance and her with the OM. Nope, no sleep except for about an hour after 3 but awoke by 4 in a cold sweat.


Do you believe all this^^ is her responsibility? Is any of it yours? I'm asking seriously. I am asking IF & WHEN you will be in charge of your reactions...



She has done a great job detaching.

Maybe...but for some reason she was texting you at night, with her concerns...so I'm not sure how 'detached' that was of her at all. Nor do I know why it matters. If you are so certain she is detached, then learn from her. CHOOSE & CREATE DETACHMENT in your life, b/c it does not just "happen". Like happiness.


I am trying. Every time I feel I get some stability in my emotions, she lays something else on me.

Do you see the role of choice in ^^this scenario?

Got ticked off again ladt night. Texted her again telling her this and ending with my prayer that God His vengance on her and OM will be harsh and eternal.

I'm saddened and startled by this^^....it's not healthy and it's absolutely NOT something your boys should ever see.

I met a man on the plane 3 days ago, who was an LBH with 3 kids. His wife APPARENTLY had an affair and married her boss. I say "apparently" b/c the man told me he'd "never pass that information onto anyone, lest his kids hear it". I asked him how he'd arrived at such a place of peace within, and forgiveness.

HIS Answer? "My first/foremost goal was protecting our children. Critisizing my wife in front of them, or around them, would harm them...and I won't participate in anything that harms my children... SECONDLY, I did it for myself. I don't like using my energy for negative emotions and using up space in my head/heart with anger or bitterness...besides, it's not as if I was a perfect h..."

Use whatever words from this^^ apply, but I really did meet him and he really did say this and I really do believe you need to hear him...SOON. OR you and your sons will continue to suffer and as time passes, more & more of that is on you.

Sent another text a few hours later stating that she is not to call or text me again unless it is truely an emergence. She can email me with whatever I need to know. A few minutes later she called my mother to tell on me. W is acting like a spoiled child.

Dad2, after some reflection, surely you know who sounds more like "a child" in this^^, now?

Dang, All I can say is, YOUR SONS are watching you and they are growing up...what type of MEN do you want them to become?

and since I'm on that trail, what was your dad like when you were growing up? And your mom?

Hang in there and get a good counselor, soon. And talk to your pastor/priest b/c honestly, we do not teach enough about forgiveness in our world.

Not FOR HER, but for YOU. You have to let go of this and turn it over to God.

Think it, say it out loud and hear yourself say it so it sinks in. It really does help and it's too much for you to carry now anyway.