Almost home..

[Train]

Yeah, mdu. The phase you're in right now can be likened to walking on a tight rope. It's a balancing act. A very delicate one. I may be one of a few here who doesn't think it's "make or break," though.

I'll echo what the others are saying: if your H wants back in, he can and will find his way there.

I also hear Starsky's concern about it appearing YOU are pursuing when your H should be, especially considering he's the one who cheated and destroyed your family. I did the SAME thing (pursuing my cheating H instead of the other way around). And Starsky called me out on it, too. Let me be real: It sometimes feels we are playing one huge chess game when we are trying to "woo" our spouses back ("Maybe I should go dark!" "Maybe I should go dim!" "Uh oh. That didn't work! Maybe I should doll up a little and wear a different perfume!") But (and this is to another point Starsky made): this isn't a game. And I can promise you that once your H is back, there will be days when you're definitely not going to feel like the cheery, light-hearted, flirty person you're having to be with each and every interaction right now.

Here's what I'm trying to say: keep doing what works now. But if your H changes his demeanor so suddenly in response to you having a very normal change in demeanor - and if he doesn't think *immediately* that your change in demeanor may just have something to do with the fact that HE has rocked YOUR world - then, yes, I'd have to question if he's ready for the HARD work that lies immediately ahead. Contrary to how things have been for him the past little while (with freedoms AND a W who has fought for him), the process of healing IS NOT all flirty and fun and sunshine, unicorns and rainbows.

Sorry if that comes off as snarky; I'm living it right now, and it worries me a little that your H is saying he will do "anything it takes" ... except, apparently, keeping a positive attitude when you're not easy-going and flirty and pursuing him??

I think we all have played our parts in the break-down of our marriages. But considering we were/are the "victims," we certainly shouldn't be on eggshells and constantly making sure we are being pleasant and pleasing. Sometimes I feel we put our brains in full-on "DB Mode," and if we aren't really careful, we can begin to turn ourselves into doormats and spouse-pleasers.

Remember the changes you're making in your life are about you. They're not about winning over your H. You will not be able to maintain "superficial" changes once he's back and you're dealing with the real serious issues. You're probably pretty close to perfect but I don't think anyone can be perfect 100% of the time.

Hang in there! You're doing great!