H and I just got into an argument over the phone. As I've mentioned, we have not hired attorneys because we thought we could handle everything ourselves (since my sister is a family L) and we are pretty amicable. Before H and I moved out, we discussed our D decree including an injunction barring either party from having an overnight guest with whom they have an intimate or dating relationship in the home when D7 is present. My sister tells me this isn't unreasonable in the eyes of the courts and is a fairly common mutual injunction in our state. We both agreed to this, though H doesn't remember it that way now. The decree specifically lists hours the guest is prohibited from being present in the home (i.e. 10 pm to 7 am or 11 pm to 8 am). The hours are within our discretion to set. I didn't have a particularly strong opinion on what the hours should be, so I sent H this message this morning:
For the overnight guest thing, we get to pick the hours. She said people usually pick something like 10pm to 7 am. What sounds good to you?
About an hour later, H called saying he wanted to discuss it. D7's friend and her mom were literally pulling into my driveway right then to come for a play date, so I told him that I would need to call him back after the mom left. He said, "No. Tell them to wait. I want to have this conversation." I calmly, but firmly, said, "Now isn't a convenient time. I'll call you back."
When I called H back, he started talking about the injunction meaning that one of us couldn't live with someone until after they were married and that wasn't a reasonable request. He actually said, "So, we have to just rush into M without living with someone. That's basically asking for a D." I know that I probably shouldn't have, but I said, "Statistically speaking, you are more likely to D if you do live together before M than if you don't." He said, "I don't care about that. It's my opinion." Umm, ok. He insists that this is about me keeping him "under my thumb" and controlling him. I didn't expect this reaction from him about this at all. He had already agreed to it. I had a childhood where my mother paraded a slew of different men in and out of our lives and I do not want the same for my D7. Really, this is about what I feel is best for D7. I kept trying to end the conversation, saying things like, "It's clear that we both have very strong opinions on this subject, so I don't think this is going to be a productive conversation." He just wants us to trust one another's judgment. But, I don't trust his judgment anymore. At all. I don't think he's capable of putting D7's interests above his own desires.
Now, he's threating to hire an attorney and go to court over this issue. I said, "If this is the issue you want to got to battle over, I guess that is how it will be." I talked to my sister and asked her to treat my like her client and not like her sister. She said that if we were to go to court, a judge would most likely rule in my favor.
I really think my H is not accustomed to me NOT caving in, especially since BD. He doesn't seem to like the fact that I've found my spine.
