KGirl - post-move

[KGirl]

labug - thank you. This is something I need to put some serious brainstorming time into. I realized when I read The Happiness Trap that my leisure/civic/volunteering-type areas of my life were pretty bare. I need to do some analysis of where I spend my time and figure out where it goes, because my first thoughts when thinking about getting involved in something new are "I don't have time!" It seems like after working 40+ hours a week, spending an hour on the bus each day, making and eating dinner, working out 4-5 times a week, and doing very basic household chores, it's time to go to bed already. And I mean VERY basic household chores. I am not one of those people that has a regular schedule for doing things. In fact, my cleaning habits are pretty bad. Things like toilets, floors, sheets usually only get washed when they are visibly dirty, instead of "time for the weekly cleaning of X!" I do want to try and be better at that but... where does the time go?! I feel like I don't even have space to do stuff like that, much less fun things or new ongoing hobbies.

Some things I want to learn/do that I have been pondering so far:
-get my bike fixed up so I can actually ride it for exercise and for errands close by.
-learn more about container gardening and household plants (that's something I could do a class in!). I did a class on flower arranging but that gets kinda pricey if you don't have access to a cheap source. My house had a pretty extensive garden that I was just starting to think about what to do with, since we only had one growing season there to see what it all looked like.
-finish a scarf I had started crocheting years ago and never finished
-some less fun goals: get into a solid gym routine, get into a better cleaning/organizing routine, identify more recipes/meals for one or that I can freeze for leftovers later.

Speaking of, it's funny that even though my chores standards were so low, my H still thought that I was too naggy about them and that there was too much to do. We made a schedule where we each did dishes every other day (he did the pots/pans, I did the smaller things like knives, measuring spoons, etc.) and he still felt like that was too much and that he should just be able to do them "when he felt like it" (which was often a week after the dishes were actually used.) I told him many times I was fine with just doing the dishes myself since I was the one who didn't want them to sit out, but I wasn't allowed to do the pots and pans because he didn't like how I washed them.. but then he still wouldn't do them regularly. I don't think I have overly high expectations, but maybe my expectations were too high for him.

I have been struggling with my family over this situation, particularly my mom. I was never particularly close to my family and I think H really took over their spot in my life in terms of support and someone to do things with, so now without him around I've tried to reconnect with them, but I don't think it's helping me or bringing anything positive into my life. My mom called me yesterday and our conversation went like this:
Mom: So what are you up to these next couple of weeks? I might visit sometime.
Me: Well, I'm going on a trip at the end of the month.
mom: Oh really? Where?
Me: Las Vegas!
Mom: Who are you going with?
Me: Just myself.
Mom: Oh.. well what fun is that?
Me: There are a lot of things to do there that don't require other people... shows, pools, gambling...
Mom: Well, OK, I guess. So I guess that means you are doing fine money-wise and don't need any from me?
Me: Yes, I'm fine, I've been saving a lot since this all started since I didn't know what might be happening.
Mom: OK, I guess I won't offer you any money then, 'cause you don't need it. How were you on Wednesday? [Wednesday was our 3 year wedding anniversary, I didn't really think much about it until after it happened]
Me: I was fine, didn't get any cards from anyone or anything.
Mom: Oh, that's good. I figured it'd be tacky if I sent you a card. I saw you went out to dinner with a friend and wondered if you planned that on purpose to occupy yourself.

None of this was said in a negative tone but it brought me down pretty quickly. I was feeling fine about going on the trip until she questioned how fun it would be. And I'm not sure why she's fixated on the money (she had offered in the past that if I need help paying for anything or if I needed a loan, to let her know). Maybe she wants to help and that's the only way she knows how, but I don't need it. Regardless, none of her comments are very helpful as of late. She also said to me on the day I moved "So what happens now? Are you going to get divorced or what?" *sigh*