Yes, that's exactly what I thought I was being but he knows me too well. He knows something is up.
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
I am concerned that this approach is conflicting with showing him consistent changes. Rejection was a big issue for him, I'm sure he sees my coolness as some rejection. I'm not going to do anything different at this point & just see how it plays out for awhile. I'll keep posting updates & to document for myself
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
Oh boy, definitely feels like I have somehow screwed up.
. . .
This feels very much like NOT the right move and I'm very confused now. I know my H, he does not like rejection at all and I'm sure feels I am giving him very mixed signals...which I am. It feels kind of mean.
mdu, it seems to me like YOU are trying to pursue HIM and "win him back to the marriage" somehow. I can assure you, you have it precisely BACKWARDS.
IF you are being friendly/cordial (and I assume you are), and your husband is annoyed ALREADY, then he is nowhere NEAR the level of remorse, effort and self-awareness (of the immense pain he caused your family) necessary in order to successfully reconcile.
There's also nothing wrong with saying to him, lovingly: "I'm sorry, but I'm just not there yet. Considering all that's happened, this isn't going to be easy, and it's going to take awhile for me to fully trust you. I hope you can understand that, and be patient with me. I'm trying."
This is really tough. Starsky, I know u have a lot of experience & r well respected around here but ur advice is complete opposite of the DBing coach has advised me multiple times. Specifically to experiment & do what works to draw him in. I'm not saying I am changing anything at this point. Just trying to make sense of it allw
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
This is really tough. Starsky, I know u have a lot of experience & r well respected around here but ur advice is complete opposite of the DBing coach has advised me multiple times. Specifically to experiment & do what works to draw him in. I'm not saying I am changing anything at this point. Just trying to make sense of it allw
You ARE drawing him in!!!! But you need to make him WORK for it!
Men like a challenge, and people value most that which is difficult to obtain.
Also, I'm sure he's a little befuddled as to what more I'm expecting at this point. He's apologized multiple times, he's said he does not want us to D multiple times, the other night he said he would do 'whatever it takes' to earn back my trust. While some really, really grand gesture would b nice I'm not sure what else I should realistically expect
M: 42 H: 43 M: 8 years S7 and D4 H has D19 and S25 from previous M Bomb: 3/6/14 OW discovered, EA & PA 1st separation, 10 days, decided to reconcile & moved back in. Fail 2nd separation: 5/1/14
