Wife in MLC and getting ready to leave #5

[AJM]

Hey Matt. Heather is right - focus on the day and making it a positive one between you and the girls. Let the rest go.

If it helps

Bad day today. Of course my W picks our D's birthday to do it, she is moving into "her" new place. If she hadn't done this, now that things are picking up for me at my new company, we could have sent our D14 to the school we wanted, paid for D19's college and still been able to save enough to get the new, bigger house she wants so badly. Of course she can't wait or work towards what she wants. She must have it NOW.

That's part of it, Matt. My ex moved the first time on mother's day when my kids were 11 and 13. Said something about wanting to live on her own etc. I've been lied to many times so far I learned to let things go, Matt. You'll need to do the same. The things she wants? Saves you from having to see them and be reminded. Let her have them.

If you don't, it becomes a kind of competition that keeps you locked in this spiral for a very long time. Trust me, everything is replaceable. Except time with the kids. You can't get that back. Everything else can be replaced with better/nicer things that aren't related to the time you were married to the bat sh** crazy woman.

In the end Matt, you have the relationship with the girls. They'll want one with their mother and you don't want to get in the middle of that. The rest of it is just *things*.

Help her pack Matt and only focus on the important things you need or really really want. I helped mine and I'm very glad I did.

Epilogue. My ex just won't quite go away. She tries to harass, harangue, or otherwise tries to poke me from time to time. Seems when she gets stressed to happen more. We're at a point where she has to try and get others to do it, because she can't get traction with me. That started early on with rage and anger she took out on me and God (long story). I put a stop to that a long time ago. But she tries. Her H (om) tries for her now. It's kind of comical really. When she left, I let her take what she wanted except for a few items for the kids rooms and a dining room table (empty rooms look weird.) That includes keepsakes etc. She had free reign and I helped her pack. Recently, she tried to harass over the course of a month, got her H to join in (side note - I wish they had better command of the English language; they're both very well educated ). She followed that up asking for pictures from some albums she left behind. It was weird, but not uncommon for her in recent years.

Know what? It's been 7 years. If not for the way she went about it, I wouldn't have minded in the least. They are just things from the past that collect dust. I don't really mind as it is, but I just ignored the request as it came after the harassment. Kind of like a kid who knows they've gone too far with a parent and wants to be the good kid again. But it can seem like, "I'm not the one that left, why should I give up the things that are mine?" That's how I used to think, Matt. I suspect you do right now as well.

My point? All these years later, and it hasn't ended. If I'd been so attached to the things, I'd have gone nuts with her asinine tactics. I'd have fallen for the mean/nasty then nice approach and then been upset I did.

Let the unimportant things go, Matt. There will be time to deal with them later when there's less emotion around it (for you) and you can make a decision that you don't have to explain to anyone. If you don't, you'll still be stuck in the dynamic with her for the rest of your life, and I don't wish that on you.

You can't reason with a fool. You can't talk to a crazy person. And you can't stay focused on the nuttiness if you're going to grow and be the man you need to be in this life.

And know this. All days, like beer are good. Some are just better than others. How you view things is just your perspective. Basically, things happen whether you like them or not. But you determine how you view them. Stop thinking they are bad or good, my friend. Start thinking about what you can do for your day that makes your life worth living and understand each day is just a gift for you to explore and improve yourself. You won't get the days back

AJ