[quote=sandi2 I'm thinking when she said you wen't fulfilling her emotionally, it was from a more self-centered position. If you discuss and share your feelings, show her attention, etc.........and she says you sap the positive energy, then maybe she sees it as you complaining and whining. She tells herself you are so negative all the time, and she wants happy, positive people around her to keep her feeling better. Instead of listening to you, she may simply want you listening and sympathizing with her. IDK.
How much fun do you have as a couple? How much do you socialize with other couples?
Sometime back before she started turning you away, something was turning her off from you sexually.
[/quote] Sandi2,
Our problems started because she said I did not hear what she was saying. I would listen but did not validate(not her words, only what I have recently learned). I knew nothing of the concept at the time. I always tried the fixer approach or would minimize the issue. I also rejected a lot of her ideas. After 4 or 5 years of this, she put up a wall to protect herself. I realize I was not a good partner with lousy communication skills. Now, she does not want to share or communicate with me for fear of the same results. She said if I share my feelings with her that she maybe able to open up for me. I talk about work, things the children do, about the people I talk and associate with during the day - a majority of the subjects are positive, work can be frustrating at times, but who does not have bad days at work. I do not talk about the R at all.
We associate with a lot of couples. The thing is no one notices the issues we have in our M. Last night, again, someone came up to me and said how amazing our family was and how they are impressed with the children. It is really hard for me during those times. We have fun as a family.
We did date nights every two or three weeks up until about August of last year. We have not had a date night for 4 months. She does not want to and I do not bring up the issue.
She works outside of the home and it is a good job and pays well. We are both professionals. Paying her own way will not be an issue for her.
All issues stem from the fact that I do not communicate well with her. I turned her off sexually because I could not open up to her or be open to her ideas. I am working on this through self-help books and our MC. But, it maybe too little, too late. She says I was not like this at the beginning of our R and M. It all changed when I was sick for 6 months and the job issues that followed the next 3 years. I look back I was frustrated and angry held it all inside and did not talk about it. I did not hear her and was a "no man" to her ideas. I am more open now, but I slip occasionally when we discuss our R.
Instead of listening to 