Post here BEFORE you do anything. Let us talk you off the ledge so you don't backslide.
If you are unsure about something, DO NOTHING. Post your thoughts here, and we'll guide you. It's ok to not respond to WAH's texts for a few hours while you wait for someone here to respond.
You're running on pure emotion right now and that's why you keep backsliding. Be aware of your emotions, right now they are the enemy because they are deceiving you and making you do things you shouldn't do.
What happens if I do all this and it just continues to push them closer together as it has? I mean they've gone away together every weekend. He's saying how he's moved on and I need to do the same. That he's finally happy now. I know believe nothing of what I hear and 1/2 of what I see but he is NOT keeping the road home smooth. Even if he wanted to come back how would he even do so with ALL the damage he has down. The airing of all our personal business on social media and the things, terrible things, he had said about both of out families
What are you going to be able to do to stop that from happening anyway. Nothing. He is going to do what he wants right now no matter what you do. He hasnt moved on. That is nonsense. He THINKS that is what he wants. And it may take time to recover from some of those things that he said about the families but it can recover.
M:33 W:30 T:10 M:2 B/D: 5/27/14 S: 5/28/14 Wife moved back in 7/18/14
If he starts missing you, it will create problems in their relationship.
As long as he knows you are waiting, you WILL push them closer together.
Disappear. And disappear for however long it takes, you can't disappear and re-appear (he'll know you're acting). It's super scary but it's the ONLY way.
Your emotions are lying to you. I go through the SAME EXACT thought process you just mentioned. I'm scared that because I'm NC with WAW, she's moving on.
I'm starting to see some small positive signs. And she even admitted she is struggling. It took me 30 days of NC to get that from her.
You are so much stronger than I am. I am struggling with being dark/NC bc of the kids because I feel like I have to make myself available for legal purposes so he can't say I am keeping the boys from him. As I said before I gave him my schedule to avoid any contact or to make it a minimum and he still didn't show up!
I guess I'm Scared to detach. I'm fighting holding on to the last bit that I can because I feel so sad/humiliated/defeated by his words to all of our friends about it being over. I know this is an internal battle that only I can fix but I know that's where it's coming from. FEAR. I know I need to LET GO I am closer each day but not there quite yet. And some days I most definitely back slide. Unfortunately because our contact is so limited I can't afford to back slide
I would think wishing him a fun weekend and a nice time, will play on his mind. The person who wants him wishing him a great time will not be what he expects.
I've said it by text to my h, a friend said " that's mean you probly ruined his whole weekend, he will/ should be wondering why you said it and what you meant! " the funny part is now I mean it, if he really wants to leave me and I have to suffer all the crap he better be having a great time.
M 46 h54 Both married before T 11y Bd 2/14 I must see where ow leads! Ms 18 hs 26
I need a pep talk to stay the course. This is all so fresh. I've seen some positive signs from my DB ing (180's, etc) but this weekend is going to be tough. She's going to a wedding overnight that we were supposed to go to together. I don't have proof that the OM is meeting her at the hotel, but it's pretty likely. I do have good instincts. I'm trying to stay calm and not back track. I have to take care of my kids while she is out frolicking!
I'm afraid I'm going to get "clingy" before she leaves tomorrow. And when she returns, how can I stay the course and not grill her about the "wedding".
Me 39 W 38 M 11 yrs S 6 D 4 BD 5/30/14 Confirmed OM 6/10/14
Fear is my struggle too! I feel it everyday! Everyone here feels fear. Detaching is so scary for me too!
I love my WAW so much that sometimes I hurt physically. My stomach is often in knots. It feels just like the feeling you get when you are on a scary rollercoaster or about to give a speech to a stadium full of people. It's anxiety (fear).
You're no different from me or anyone else here.
Every single person that saved their marriage here, went through a ton of pain to get there.
You can do this TO. Will it hurt like hell? Yes. Do you love your WAH enough to go through this process?
I would think wishing him a fun weekend and a nice time, will play on his mind. The person who wants him wishing him a great time will not be what he expects.
I've said it by text to my h, a friend said " that's mean you probly ruined his whole weekend, he will/ should be wondering why you said it and what you meant! " the funny part is now I mean it, if he really wants to leave me and I have to suffer all the crap he better be having a great time.
Haha that made me laugh that he better have a great time. It's sad for me bc they are traveling for BMX. Which we always did with our boys and all the other families. Now he is taking her. And still hanging out whth them. They've all said if that's what makes him happy we aren't getting involved he's still our friend if he chooses to bring her so be it.
Fear is my struggle too! I feel it everyday! Everyone here feels fear. Detaching is so scary for me too!
I love my WAW so much that sometimes I hurt physically. My stomach is often in knots. It feels just like the feeling you get when you are on a scary rollercoaster or about to give a speech to a stadium full of people. It's anxiety (fear).
You're no different from me or anyone else here.
Every single person that saved their marriage here, went through a ton of pain to get there.
You can do this TO. Will it hurt like hell? Yes. Do you love your WAH enough to go through this process?
I know the physical pain you speak of. And I totally agree. I just need the stubbornness and fear to exit and be overcome with what I know I need to do. I struggle with accepting he doesn't love me or that he doesn't want me in his life as his W, that he has rewrote so much history that he can't even remember the good times anymore. Especially now that he's admitted he's with her he is SO different to me SO cold. He doesn't even come around. My dad said he can't come here anymore because of his own guilt. That's why he's never been able to look at me
