Roller coaster and then some

[daring]

2BH and FY- thanks for the support and responses.
I know I am the prize ( most days), the one he would be crazy to leave. I think what scares me is he seems to realize that too, even somewhat verbalize it, but still wants to leave.
I know this is about his journey and not really about me but I am really having a hard time with detachment this week.

FY- I have read the MLC chapter a few times as well as Cadet's homework, and the resources on this site and hero spouse. As far as deal breakers- I'm not even positive what they are. They might be different for eventually working on the marriage versus gaining some space and breathing room right now.

He did have an EA with our close friend/neighbor and recognized it after quite some time. It started causing issues in her marriage too and that's what it took for him to realize. That part of their relationship has ended but I am still working through the hurt and distrust- much better than I used to be. There was also a brief one time episode of physical contact many years ago with another if our close friends. ( took him 6 yrs to tell me about that one). I know it's all a symptom of his own childhood unmet needs combined with where I needed to step up better in the relationship but it still hurts. I recognize this as my opportunity to work on me.

As far as I know there are no other OW and he is around so much with me and kids I think I would know- but any thing is possible. What I see is him forging friendships with other people that should be a good thing but I worry about whether he has any boundaries right now since he's trying to "fill his holes".

I guess I was also hoping that he was heading towards the last part of his journey. As best I can tell this started around 2009-2010. Replay started early 2011 ( Harley, sports car, 2 atvs, a dune buggy, kitty cat level mean to me and an EA to top it off). First time he said I'm not sure this is what I want was in Dec 2012 and then we kinda worked on it until full BD sept 2013.

I thought I was doing better but this week has me so confused. I'll take your advice FY- relax, don't work on the marriage per se but keep working on me and no more mention of what we discussed today unless he asks.