It's been awhile since I've been on to read and catch up. I laughed at your comments about playing tricks and would be tempted to do the same. If I thought I could handle it, I'd do it but I know that it would hurt too much to read something that a mlcer would say while looking for "love" online. I know you're only teasing when you say that but it is tempting.
Btw, congrats on your new job. I'm happy to hear that you're employed and feeling better about life in general. Plus it give you something to think about for the better part of the day.
Take care of yourself and keep the focus on you.
Me:57H:62 M:34T:35 2S,2D (grown nlah) BD:09/2012 visits M ow EA/PA?:10/2012 H moves out 06/2013
"Do not let the behavior of others destroy your inner peace." -Dalai Lama
I’m not sitting around waiting for H to come to his senses. I have life, I’m moving forward. I just don’t understand how else I need to let go.
This is the subject that constantly comes to my mind. I think if I completely let go, I will not be on this board anymore.
I understand how you feel, Bright. I don’t think we can truly let go until we are DONE. We are not done.
Like you, I come here to find hope. Hope for a renewed marriage with a spouse who stood by me for decades. Also to help others who are seeking hope.
I agree that a DB board is not necessary for me to have a fulfilling life without my spouse. Maybe at first I needed that reassurance, but after 2 and a half years, I know better. Yet I stand because I know my wife is worth it... and there is still plenty of hope!
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 06/19/1404:14 PM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
NLT, good to “see” you! Thanks for the kind words. Yes, I feel like I’m fully back on the job front. I barely think about H during the day. And online dating… I think I am at the point when I can take some “abuse”, in terms of reading some things. In his profile, on the question about the hair he has “No”, hehe. He might be very bold by now. I haven’t seen him without a ball cap for a long time, so I don't know.
FY, I agree with you, we are not done yet. Your hope inspires me. Even though I’m not sure what I want anymore. I ask myself constantly if I would want H back. And most of the time the answer is No. Not the way he is right now, or with these traits that he had pre-DB (angry, selfish, detached.) I would want the “old” H back, but I think that it is not going to happen. Sometimes I think that I just want to stay single and do whatever I want in my life. Am I entering into my own MLC? IDK. Sometimes it feels like it.
Going to the vacation home tomorrow. My other friend is going to be there and my (mutual) friends are having his family from Europe for a visit. I met them when H and I were at our friend’s wedding. I’m very excited to see everyone!
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
Bright, Please travel safely to your vacation home. Try to enjoy your time there.
Hope and positive thinking are what will get you through the days and nights when you think the world is against you. Listen to your heart and you will know when you are done...you aren't there yet. Your h is a lucky man to have you in his corner. I hope he wakes up and realizes what a wonderful person you are and want to come home and make things work.
Enjoy your weekend.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sometimes I think that I just want to stay single and do whatever I want in my life. Am I entering into my own MLC? IDK. Sometimes it feels like it.
I like to call it a Mid Life Awakening. To those going through it, that's what it feels like. In their mind, they are FINALLY on the correct path! Or searching for that path. It can and should be an opportunity for serious growth. A time to find true meaning and purpose in life.
I believe our spouses Awakening is absolutely a catalyst for us to re-evaluate our life, decide what's important, what we want... an opportunity to grow!
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 06/21/1412:04 AM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
Job, thanks, you are always so thoughtful to wish me a safe trip to my vacation home. A number of people in my life said the same thing, that H is lucky to have me. He is the only one who doesn’t think so. Oh, and maybe his sister… I don’t know exactly what she said, only from H’s words. She said that she was surprised that we were still together, before the BD of course.
FY, I absolutely agree with you.
Originally Posted By: ForeverYoung
I believe our spouses Awakening is absolutely a catalyst for us to re-evaluate our life, decide what's important, what we want... an opportunity to grow!
Yes, as a result of my H’s crisis, I view the life in a completely different light now. It still hurts though to think that I waisted my time in a relationship that ended like this. This is what I didn’t want to happen to me again, ever. I thought my H (second H) was the one who I would be with for rest of my life, good times or bad times. I’m still picking up the pieces of the broken dreams.
Trip to the vacation home went well. I had a good time with all the friends. I went to the ocean with my dog every day and enjoyed warm water. There was almost no mention of H in all the conversations. My GF brought up her cousin again and I just listened. Boy, she still has a lot of anger towards her cousin and what she did (tried to have an affair with my H.)
H has been missing in action for more than 2 weeks now, since he signed up for that dating website. There is no activity there though. I guess he might be quite entertained and busy with the FIFA world cup. My BIL (sister’s H) said that he received a bunch of texts from H regarding the games, etc. H is a big soccer fan, so is my BIL.
My other BIL (H’s brother) sent me an e-mail with the info about a woman who worked with him for a number of years. Both I and H know this woman, she used to be at the holiday parties and at the football games with us a lot. She took her life last week. She was always so bubbly and positive. She left a teenage son and a H. I know that a few years ago she was talking about her H cheating on her and she might need to D him. I don’t know if this is what caused her to make this awful decision. I noticed that my BIL used H’s e-mail which he is no longer using. So, I forwarded the e-mail to H. No response so far. I wonder if this news depressed him. After all, she was a happy, outgoing, positive woman. Not like H’s “negative” W (me)…
I’ve been very busy at work, hardly have any time to read the posts here. I will try to catch up. I’ve been doing mostly ok, except I feel tired and don’t want to do anything after work. I’m ok with that for now.
I don’t know when I will be ready to drop the rope. I’m just wondering how long H is going to keep it status quo and not file. His Playboy magazine (renewed subscription) just showed up at the house. Lucky for him, because I was thinking to forward him his mail this weekend, because his car registration was also sent to the house. The rest of it is probably a junk mail, which he asked me not to send to him. But, I’m not going to do the sorting for him, I’m sending all of it. This is my boundary. Baby steps towards dropping the rope.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
She left a teenage son and a H. I know that a few years ago she was talking about her H cheating on her and she might need to D him. I don’t know if this is what caused her to make this awful decision. I noticed that my BIL used H’s e-mail which he is no longer using. So, I forwarded the e-mail to H. No response so far. I wonder if this news depressed him. After all, she was a happy, outgoing, positive woman. Not like H’s “negative” W (me)…
My W has had many deaths close to her in the past couple years, including a Mom with a newborn who killed herself. She handled them all quite well, in an even better than normal fashion, in my opinion. Maybe your H will too. My guess is since they are already hyper focused on their own mortality, it's not as big of a deal.
And regardless of what H may think, everyone else sees you as positive person now, right?
Last edited by ForeverYoung; 06/30/1406:42 PM.
M: A really long time. Crisis: 5 years. She's still worth it.
Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl
i haven't been on forum for awhile- reading around and wanted to say hi and there's alot of "hope" and kindness in your thread this morning. i feel better having read the last bunch of posts.
i guess i'm not "done" yet either. whoeer said life is better with hope and pma- i'm hoping so.
i am not sure ifmy hope is gone- yet i'm still "standing" for want of a better plan/life... idk- i'm still here. i still know hi m.
that's about it- where it all ends? idk- you all sound pretty good and "together" to me- knowing where you're heading- what you want, what you don't want.
i guess i fall into your club- despite my thinking otherwise- i guess there is some stinking little tiny chink of lite down there, somewhere- - ray of "hope"???
YOU SAY: " It still hurts though to think that I waisted my time in a relationship that ended like this. This is what I didn’t want to happen to me again, ever. I thought my H (second H) was the one who I would be with for rest of my life, good times or bad times. I’m still picking up the pieces of the broken dreams. "
i SAY YEAH - ME TOO ... it's those darn pieces - will it ever end? ya gotta wonder
oh well- trying to stay in the day- no past - no future- not hard to do - i feel too like i've "wasted" a lifetime on someone i may never have known even. may have been a charmng liar forever- nasty and unproductive thoughts (maybe) (true- maybe too?!! ) who can ever know the answer to that one.
anyway- hi and great about the job. if i could ever figure out what the heck state i "live" in- i think i'll be glad when i have a job to occupy me alot of the time and provide the contrast - glad to be home and gone from work.
still floating along hoping to land somewhere (good) - going to go spread mulch - see if i can capture the magic of productivity & sweat - another day to go thru
Nero, I’m really trying not to go to the past too. It is not easy. I don’t really go into the future though. I feel like you, “still floating along”. This is exactly how I feel, I just realized it. The work keeps me busy, but when I get off I don’t want to do anything. I’m trying though…
Not a beep from H, still. I sent him his mail last week. He was supposed to get it yesterday. No “thank you” or anything. I haven’t contacted him either.
I went to the vacation home place again last weekend. I spent some time with my mutual friends and went to the beach with my dog. My GF brought up her cousin in a conversation, again… I just validated. We actually came to a conclusion later that her cousin is like a teenager, still… in her 30th. She lives with her Mom, doesn’t have a steady job and I constantly looks for somebody who can take care of her. Well, my H is kind of in a teenage world too. So, there it was, two teenagers trying to hook up and not really thinking about the consequences, or if they hurt somebody, or actually thinking it though from the practical point of view. How the he!! He was he going to have her live with him while I’m still using the vacation home, when I was still paying his bills and having joint accounts with him? My GF agreed that the whole situation was not realistic. She is still hurt that her cousin did this to her and to me. I don’t know who is hurt more now, her or me.
We went to the party at the restaurant and I saw some of H’s drinking “friends” there. I told my GF that I wish I would not see them, because this makes me very sad, thinking that H could go so low and socialize with trashy people like that.
My GF told me what H said in a conversation with her right before he left to go to work in May. He said that he hasn’t been lucky finding a companion. He could not do it at the vacation home place, he could not pick up a Mexican girl there, because he doesn’t speak Spanish, he could not find anybody in the state where he works. He was kind of sorry for himself and said that maybe he is just destined to be single. Yeah, and I didn’t say anything to her about the dating site. I suppose there is nobody good for H there either, LOL.
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
My GF told me what H said in a conversation with her right before he left to go to work in May. He said that he hasn’t been lucky finding a companion. He could not do it at the vacation home place, he could not pick up a Mexican girl there, because he doesn’t speak Spanish, he could not find anybody in the state where he works. He was kind of sorry for himself and said that maybe he is just destined to be single. Yeah, and I didn’t say anything to her about the dating site. I suppose there is nobody good for H there either, LOL.
He's MARRIED!! If that ain't the definition of insanity, I don't know what is.
Bright, you may want to shut down the conversations about your H and the cousin with this GF. I think this has come up before...a lot. It's not doing you any favors! I know it's titillating stuff and I have this problem with my mom. She loves to dive right into Smokey and what I've heard and what's going on...it doesn't serve MY purposes of getting on with things. You can shut these conversations down.
The remarks he made give you, again, a very good idea of where his head is at...he's 16. And, you aren't 16. You're a grown woman who deserves someone much better than this.
Look at him for who he is today and leave him to his crisis. He sounds so adolescent. Don't empower him because of the pain he has caused you. Look at WHO HE IS TODAY. NOT A CATCH. Just my 2 cents.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
