First of all, you did not f'up. Understand that no one encounter is going to make or break your marriage. I want you to relax around your H. You know you are the prize, right? If you're not sure about this, then THAT is what you need to work on! Building up your confidence. I know how hard it is to do this early after BD, but it is KEY.

Yes, you did put some pressure on him. You told him what you wanted and what you would not accept. He heard you so now don't bring it up again. He knows.

If he's not working on the marriage, then make it appear that you aren't either! Give him time and space. It's great that he wants to talk to you about the Big Stuff, your job is to listen and validate. Be the friend who is there for him. Be the ROCK. Do not get caught up into trying to convince him of anything or telling him what you want. (unless he asks) This is all about him right now, he has to figure this out. Your job is to not get in his way.

^^^Right now, this IS how you work on your M.

You mentioned not liking that he "moved half out", and some things about OW and EA's. What are your deal breakers? Think hard about this. Decide what you will or will not tolerate and stand firm on that.

Have you read Michele's chapter on MLC in DR?

M: A really long time.
Crisis: 5 years.
She's still worth it.

Life is never made unbearable by circumstances, but only by lack of meaning and purpose. -Viktor Frankl