I'm sorry to hear s had a seizure and am glad he's okay. I know that must be difficult when it happens when you are away. You are a wonderful mom to s and to the ss as well. You are strong, nurturing , attentive and work hard. You are setting a great example for them.
It's always wise to talk to a L. Protecting yourself and kids is smart. Now, of course your h knows what your hot buttons are. It is well known that kids will act out and lash out to the parent they feel safe with ( I witness this frequently).
Your h is a mess and you cannot fix him. It's tempting to try for us fixers isn't it? However, it's like trying to find the needle in the haystack. Not happening.
Keep focusing on Julie and what Julie wants. Your a and ss ( plural) are lucky to have you :-)
Last edited by Georgiabelle; 06/21/1401:20 AM.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
S is out of hospital and enjoying his vac with his grandparents so I can relax and enjoy the me time I had planned this week around work.
Tues- consultation with L Lunch with friend Yoga class Wed- Alanon meeting Thurs- yoga class Exceptional parents support Group Sat- summer music in the city
And Sunday I get to have s back!!
I miss him but we talk every morning and Skype in evening. He is growing up!
Bonus. H is taking time off and going camping this week so no contact till Sunday. The break will be nice.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Sunday will be here before you know it and I hope you've got something special planned for your son's arrival back home. I'm sure he's going to have a lot to tell you about his vacation.
Enjoy your "me" time.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
So after the seizure s enjoyed the rest of his vacation, came home Sunday, and landed himself back in the ER today after busting his face on a cubby at camp. He missed his eye by a breath. Very lucky.
H and I got along fine in the ER. Small talk and making s related decisions together. No outward sneering from h when they kept deferring to me just because I am mom.
The whole thing made me realize how different I am. A year ago I would have been panicking and "what iffing" about his eye. I would have been hovering and blaming the people at camp. Today I was very calm. Told h that facial stiches was just a right of passage for a boy. Told s that he would have a cool scar like a pirate and then just chilled the h*Pl out and comforted my s.
I also realized the ER is sub basement level and there is no cell reception so I really was a crazy B when I accused h last Oct of texting OW while we were in ER with s a few weeks after BD.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Hello Mr Hyde. .. everything was fine when s was in ER now, days later, he is angry because the camp director called me and not him. There was no point explaining that while both our numbers are listed as contacts they know me and not him. Just let it slide.
I really have let go of most expectations of H but he really let s down tonight and I am mad. Most nights I do bedtime routine so it is a treat for s when h is around. Tonight h told s several times he would give him a bath and put him to bed. Just before bath time h slips outside. After 15 s goes to door to call him and there is no sign of him. I figured he walked up street to the field he often sits in and talks on phone. I call him. No big deal he will be right home. 15, 30 by now s is screaming for Dad. 45 min I call again and he says he will put him to bed tomorrow. I ask him to tell s that and he says never mind he will come home. 30 min after that I put s to bed (an hour and half after bedtime) h comes in mad at me that I didn't wait.
I am just so heartbroken for s. I asked a L about possibly going out of state to live near my family for a while for help with s but it does not look likely I will be able to do that. S adores his father and I don't want to come between them but he is so unreliable.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Just found out h took s swimming today with OW and her daughter. It still made me cringe but I didn't feel like my heart was being ripped out like I did the last time I knew that s was around her.
I have been treading lightly in my own home for 10 months. I have decided I will treat h like I would any roommate. I will say hello and good bye and sit in my living room to read even if he is there. Any way this could backfire?
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
I think if you keep communication simple and speak in a calm tone, you will be okay. It is certainly possible in your h's volitale state that he could still get angry with you. That's when you say" I won't be spoken to like that" or "we can discuss this when you calm down " and calmly walk out of the room.
You should not feel like you are walking on eggshells in your own home. I'm sorry. That just $vcks. You can do this !!!! :-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I can do it and I find that on the nights he isn't here I am really happy (although s is not) even when he is here I often find that we all (me, s, the dogs) end up congregating in my room laughing and listening to music. H is out there on his own.
But it is hot and the ac works best I'm living room and I want my house back.
Me 44 H 42 M 10 T 12 (at time of BD) Ss 20 16 S11 (special needs)
BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom 10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied S and I move out 3/15
Hey Julie, I'm going into week 3 with my W out of the house. While she was here it was the same for us, when she was gone, things were more relaxed. When she was here, D's and I would end up together while she would be in the other room listening to music or on her phone while we had fun and talked and laughed. Now that she is gone, D's and I are much more relaxed and happy without having to worry about her getting angry or upset or wanting "everyone to go to bed" (she was sleeping on the sofa in living room and seemed to want to go to sleep from the min. she got home from work).
I can't imagine living in the same home when there is OW involved and everyone knows about it! That must be hard on you all. Not sure I could do that. I really think you do need you're house back. You may find it much more relaxed.
