1) self-acceptance: I've finally reached a point in my life where I truly see my own value. I realized that I had been looking to my partners or friends for validation, and had so much self-hatred that I couldn't possibly be a good partner.
I highly recommend to any introverts (or those who love one) to read "Quiet: the power of introverts in a world that can't stop talking", by Susan Cain.
It has helped me completely re-frame my view of myself and understand some of my behavior (I.e. why parties--even when I have a good time-- are exhausting; why I hate meaningless small talk; etc)
2) relationship: I'm seeing more and more how my H issues played a role in the breakdown of our M. Now that I am detaching and following DB, and treating my own anxiety, I can see more clearly how his issues triggered mine. I guess at this point i would say I'm ambivalent about D. I don't have great hopes that he would be self-reflective, or flexible enough to change, so I'm not even sure what I would say if he expressed an interest In reconciling.
3) anger and sadness. I've been reading the 5LL, and it is almost too painful to read. It is so clear to me that this was a major major reason our M didn't work. We both said we loved each other and were trying to show it, yet we both felt unloved. If only I had known about this long ago. I think we could have been helped but now he doesn't see that there is any path to R. I wish I could reach out and tell him what I've realized, and that there is a path to reconnecting. But I know that is a no-no. My SIL asked me, "does he think that there is someone out there who is just perfect and he'll have a R with no problems?" I didn't answer, but yes, I definitely think that is what he thinks. Or, at least, the only solution is to start over with someone new; that there is no chance for R with me.
