When he talks about s and my parenting skills that is a huge trigger for me. Instinct kicks in before I can hit pause. I know I have to work some things out here.
Julia, your sitch sounds so much like mine.
Keep in mind, an alcoholic or depressed person finding comfort in a bottle and OW is going to do and say ANYTHING to maintain their current lifestyle...no matter how abusive it is to his/her family.
He will continue to hit well below the belt in order to justify HIS actions.
Sounds like getting some distance between this man and you and your son may be the ticket for you to gain some clarity. It's next to impossible to rise above this kind of verbal/emotional abuse--IMO. If you remain in the house, please consider Al-Anon in order to gather your support and build a solid wall of protection for you and your son.
I strongly believe self-confidence is the single most important quality our kids need in this crazy world. Alcoholic behavior like what you are describing erodes the confidence of everyone nearby. It's insidious and you often don't see the aftermath until you have some distance and time away from the abuser.
It's classic for the abuser to act the most venomous after doing something he/she feels guilty for (OW/Drinking).
Protect your heart and your son's.
"You know, it's times like these when I realize what a superhero I am." Tony Stark/Iron Man
“Focus on what you can do, then do it with all your heart.” Lois Wilson
