Thank you Job and Brooklyn would love any more insight.

I guess I am having trouble finding the middle ground. I can go for weeks letting anything he says roll off my back. And I have clearly noticed patterns. He will be civil bordering on pleasant for days and then sees OW and bam. Also he claims I don't know him and there is definitely a lot I do not know about this new person but I can always tell when he is drinking and that drives him crazy. (Crazier)

When he talks about s and my parenting skills that is a huge trigger for me. Instinct kicks in before I can hit pause. I know I have to work some things out here.

Me 44 H 42
M 10 T 12 (at time of BD)
Ss 20 16
S11 (special needs)

BD 9/13 H "unhappy for years" moves to seperate bedroom
10/13 EA/PA confirmed but denied
S and I move out 3/15