Cross country DB with WAS

[Anders]

Journal:

Riding a wave of emotions this week. I had a few fun & very interesting encounters with some ladies at work today. They were coming up to talk with me for seemingly random reasons, touching my arm, playing with their hair, etc? I have no intention of pursuing any of them but damn if it didn't feel good.

Then getting home and reading through the threads, I started to feel angry. And I'm realizing just how angry I still am with W. And how I am struggling to forgive her. How I am still carrying a lot of hurt about her decisions and actions. And how I am still looking for honesty in our interactions, questioning her intentions.

I feel I need to do this to truly let go. I cannot even begin to imagine establishing a genuine friendship without that forgiveness. Or perhaps it is for me to let go first then true forgiveness will follow.

For now my DB and growth goals, alongside my timeline, are helping me ride out this wave. But does it ever feel like I am climbing up a steep mountainside right now and wondering what the .... I'm doing here.