I wanted to share some more hope.... it was kind of quiet today, we hadn't had any contact yesterday or today, although I have been feeling pretty good about how things are (slowly) seeming to be looking up. I didn't feel like I "had to" or "needed to", but it was starting to get really hot here where we are, and I know my H's reptiles are outside in the garage where it's super hot...

So I texted him to let him know it was like 92 today and would be 98 tomorrow. Asked him if they would be ok out there? He responded something like "oh shoot, I better bring them in...is it ok if I stop by now?"

I thought, great, yes come by...but then changed it to, 'why does he want to stop by now when I look like I've been wrestling with the dogs for two hours in the heat?' So I ran and put my hair up, washed my face and threw on something cute but casual enough not to set off any bells. And he showed up a few min later. (Had his ring on, which was nice to see).

It wasn't anything magical, but I did hug him hello. And then I left him alone and got back to work. He said it was a good thing he brought the reptiles in, because they were not looking good! I asked him if he decided what he might do yet, and he paused. I thought "oh nice, wrong question". He said he hadn't decided. I said "I can understand that. You think maybe you'll know by the end of the month? I kind of need to figure out what I'm going to do here, with rent and everything, you know."

He said something like, "You know...it's just that same thing I mentioned already. I can't go through that again, feeling that way."

I told him I knew, and I don't blame him. That I was really wrong for my part in making him feel insecure in his own house. He also added that when he was just sitting in a room, and here I come, and try to tell him to leave the room, or where he should go, that it really affects him. I just listened and said that I had been really thinking about that a lot, and that I had no right to impinge on his personal space like that. I also promised I would never (lightly or seriously) threaten him with words like "why don't you leave, etc". I told him I would prefer it if he came home, but I didn't want to push.

He said something like "You sure you don't just want me to come home because of the rent or something?"

I told him I could pay the rent myself, as he knows I just got a large pay increase, so that ends that. He looked like he was coming around a little bit more, but I left it at that for the most part...he had to go to work, so he said he'll get in touch with me on Sunday.

Later I texted him that our house wouldn't be a home until he was back in it. And he said thanks for that. And that's my night.

In other news, I'm staying busy and not thinking about it too much...aside from how I can make sure I don't behave like that person again! I hope he comes home, and I think he will, but I don't want a repeat of this as much as he doesn't...so I need to figure out how to keep this permanent and change my actions when things start to escalate.