I've been struggling with some guilt over the past few days. I've realized that I don't want to be M to my H anymore. I don't respect, or really even like, who he is now. So, I guess I'm feeling guilty because I *should* want my M to work out, but I'm not even hoping for that now. He said we aren't compatible. The truth is, if this person he's been for the last 8 months is the real him, he's right. We aren't compatible. The more I think about it, the more convinced I become that this is how he's always been.
Except for the guilt that's been popping up, I feel really happy. I've been living alone (well, with D7 half the time) for the first time in my life. I went from my dad's house, to the college dorm, to living with my H. I'm finding that I like it. A lot. Yesterday, my mom told me about taking in a dog because the owner was very ill and expected to pass very soon. My mom can't keep the dog because she doesn't have a yard. I talked to her about the dog's temperament and decided that I wanted her. I didn't have to think about what anyone else would think about it. H would have said no. We have one dog, but that is only because of D7 and me. She and I are animal-lovers and H is animal-neutral at best. I really liked the freedom of just being able to make the decision. And D7 and I are super excited about our new pet.
