If you act coldly, it tells her she affects your emotions. It is a reaction to something she's done. But indifference is not caring one way or the other. (Of course we know you really do, but it's what she thinks that matters.).
Try to pretend she is an elderly nosie woman who lives next door. This neighbor is a neusence in your life. When she starts asking questions about your life, you just smile and try to tolerate her, but you don't answer all her snoopy questions. You don't flirt with her or expect her to hang out with you. You don't try to slip in a hug here and there, nor find an excuse to contact her. You don't act rude, get angry, or sulk if she visits other neighbors or stops showing any interest in you. It's fine! It doesn't matter. You don't care what she does! When you get in from work and see her in her yard next door, you just smile & wave and keep on walking. If she stops you to chat, you limit it and politely excuse yourself. See what I mean?
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If I may ask..as a WAW what was the turning point for you?
It was a succession of things. It took several months. I knew in my heart that OM didn't really care for me. I just wanted to believe the fantasy to escape my misery. But, I was beginning to see him without the rose colored glasses. And other things in my life was falling down around me b/c of my choices. The big finale was when my grown daughter informed me she had read my conversations with OM. I couldn't get mad at her, my H, or anyone else. She said I left my computer screen open to where I had been talking to him. (and I thought I had been so clever covering up!) At that moment, I was no longer the role model I had always tried to be. I felt that everything I ever stood for came tumbling down. Then I actually begged her not to tell anyone. I will never forget the look on her face!
Being busted by my H, or my D, did not magically switch me back to "normal" again. I was able to make the decision to stay in my M. However, it was based on making the "right" choice for my family, and not my personal feelings. It was terribly difficult to stay with my H b/c my feelings for him had not improved! I was filled with so much resentment over many years But making the right decision was the first step in the right direction.
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4. From what I wrote, is it possible for there to be no affair?
It's possible, but doubtful. When women are so involved in looking younger/sexier to that extreme, it is usually for male attention, IMO. Yes, it makes a woman feel better about herself to make needed improvements, but my question is "who" is it really for? Apparently not you, b/c she sent you packing. She may not have a particular man at the moment. She may just want to prowal. But if she's not already in an A, I think she's headed in that direction.
I'm sorry, I know this has got to be so painful for you!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
